Im sitting here reading about the movie theater shooting in Lafayette, Louisiana. I have a dear friend who lives in Lafayette and had just taken her kids to that theater a week ago.
With each new story that rolls out, my heart aches. Don't just READ the story of the shooting, absorb it and realize it's not just 3 people that died.....3 PEOPLE DIED just from going to a movie!!! Doesn't that infuriate you like it does me? Doesn't it break your heart? What if it was your wife who had gone out with the girls for the night and you nonchalantly said bye to her when she left because you knew she would be home later. She's not. She's gone. Does that change how you view that story at all? IT SHOULD!
Let's not forget the horror the father will have to live with for the rest of his life when hearing, "Help me Dad!" as his daughter dies from being shot. Again, don't just read that. IMAGINE it was your kid.
I understand being cautious and teaching our kids to watch out for
strangers, look both ways, etc. We can teach them about things like that. There's an evil that's developed and it
seems impossible to prepare for because you literally have NO idea when
or where it will attack. Is it possible to teach something you don't understand because I certainly don't understand this world we're living in? It's not just in big cities like New York, LA
or Chicago. Lafayette, Louisiana! Chattanooga, Tennessee where we
were just on vacation!!
Our world has become so numb to everything. We read the headlines of the news for the day. We watch the "breaking news" to tell us of some new disastrous situation that's just happened. We watch it, may even post about it on Facebook, say a prayer and then keep on moving along. We're dehumanizing so many things in an effort to just survive.
PEOPLE!!!! This WHOLE world is in serious trouble and aside from Jesus returning to save us from all of this, I just don't see anything getting any better! I actually see it getting worse. How many stories of leaving animals and children in hot cars will it take?? We hear about that almost weekly now. The dog that was shot TWICE and left on the railroad tracks. The dog that had the duct tape around its muzzle. Hanging puppies and posting the pictures. Beyond that, beheading innocent children for believing in God. Veterans not being taken care of. SELLING DEAD BABIES!!!!!!!!!!! Going into a church and killing so many innocent people because of the hate in his heart. Killing our soldiers on OUR ground. And on and on and on.....
Now we're going to get geared up for a Presidential Election. In a time where the world needs to come together, all of these candidates are already strategizing how to annihilate their opponents. Who really wins when you people do that? Stop worrying about smearing your opponents and show us what YOU have done and will do. You know what that reminds me of? Elementary school tattle-tailing. "Obama did so and soooooo", "Yeah well Hilary did it first"......such childishness. Why don't you all just go ahead and end every campaign commercial with "Yo Momma!" I mean, wasn't that the stereotypical comeback from kids?
Seriously though people, I truly hope you've reconciled in your heart what you believe because the time IS coming. I don't know about you, but there's nothing comparable to an eternity in Heaven and I know, with absolute certainty that is where I'm going. Believing in God isn't enough. You can't just say "Oh yeah, I believe in God!" Even the demons believe in God, right? What are you going to do with your belief?
He's coming back.......and tomorrow's not soon enough.
Friday, July 24, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Enough is enough with the “never enough”
Never (blank) Enough................
There are so many words to put in that blank.
Never “thin” enough
Never “pretty” enough
Never “smart” enough
Never “loud” enough
Never “trendy” enough
Never “outgoing” enough
Never enough “money”
Never enough “sex”
Never enough “time”
The list continues on and on and on….
Why do we let people make us feel like we’re not enough? I have to be honest. This past week has weighed me down worse than
I’ve been down in a while. ‘I have had
the constant feeling of not being “enough” for anyone. I don’t clean enough. I don’t cook enough. I don’t cuddle enough. I'm not happy enough. I don't talk enough. I definitely know I’m not thin enough and
that thought still consumes me every moment I’m awake. I’m tired of not being enough. I look at the person I was 20 years ago, even
15 years ago and wonder what the heck happened to me. I don’t like this 40 year old me. At all.
Each new day presents an opportunity to change and by the end of each
new day, I’m the same. I want to wake up one morning and attack the world with a vengeance. But ohhhhh, that snooze button. The one that says " today isn't the day, let's sleep a little longer" and I listen because I'm a sucker.
Surely I'm not alone in this.
I may never be a good enough mother, a good enough wife, a
good enough friend, neighbor, daughter or sister. There will always be ONE person that will
listen to my fears, allow me to scream in anger and cry for no reason, never
leave me even when I feel like I don’t deserve anyone and love me
unconditionally for my entire life, and beyond.
He was, is and always will be enough…..For me and for the world.
This one is an oldie but it's so good......
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
It's My Party & I'll Whine If I Want To
In your normal day to day mind, do you think of yourself as
the age you are?
In my mind, I’m still in my twenties. When I walk past a mirror or catch a glimpse
of myself in a reflection, it literally takes my breath away. I don’t mean in a good way. I mean in a
what-the-hell-are-you-thinking-you-fat-cow kinda way. There are rare occasions when I actually
involve myself in a conversation with someone and I start to become animated. Like my old self. There are times I’ll walk through a crowd of
people and say my hellos, laugh and enjoy myself until I see my reflection in
someone’s sunglasses or come across a mirror, etc. Even sitting here typing this. I’m sitting in a room with full sunlight and
I can see the glare of myself in the background of the screen. I’m careful to keep my head up but not for the
reason you think. I don’t mean that
metaphorically. If I hold my head down
to read or get on the computer, the jowls grow bigger and the skin steps to my
mouth appear. Rather, appear larger than
they already are. At a recent marriage conference Josh and I attended, a lady came up to our table to take our picture. Josh immediately told her that I didn't do pictures. She insisted, took the pic and walked away. Of course, I instantly started crying as the service was about to start. With Josh's help, I quickly pulled myself together so no one would see the tears. Friends and family members all know that I don't do pictures. While it may be a game to them, to me it's gut wrenching. It turns a normal get together into an event I calculate a way out of. At this point in my life, I H A T E having my picture taken, and I do not use that word lightly.
Deep down inside me, I KNOW there’s a fighter. I’ve seen her kick butt before. Where is she now? WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!!? Sometimes,
I am absolutely floored at how different I am compared to my 20 year old
self. I know our bodies change. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about me, in general. I wonder how Josh and the kids have put up
with me for so long. I can’t stand
myself, how can they? I’m gross. I’m rude.
I’m mean. I’m irritable…….and that’s
on a good day. I literally feel like Mrs. Trunchbull. I, in no way, want to diminish others, but I
feel like an addict. I am addicted to
food. It pisses me off to no end that I’ve
allowed this to control my life.
I see people with half eaten plates of food and I don’t
understand. How do you pass on cake? Ice
cream? Candy? How do you drink water all day every day and feel satisfied? How is it possible to show (any) restraint
when it comes to food? If I told you
what I consume each day, honestly, it would floor you and embarrass me. No diet, lifestyle change, exercise or weight
loss product will do any good until I get my head right.
As I sat here typing this, I got a text from one of my
biggest supporters. She hasn’t given up
on me.
I’ve given up on me, but she hasn’t.
Crazy isn’t it? She reiterates
that none of this is an easy fix and that it takes hard work and
dedication. I used to know what that
meant. I don’t anymore.
I take that back. I KNOW what it means. I just can’t seem to execute it. If I were counseling someone like me, I would
be so frustrated. I watch “My 600 lb.
Life” in utter disgust. In reality, I
could very well be on that show one day.
I have the same mentality as many of them. I listen to their excuses and am both
convicted and critical of them. God,
please save me from this craziness!!!
Don’t take this as me wanting your pity. Ì don’t.
Typing this out somehow makes it more real. I can’t wait for the day when I snap out of
this and get on with living my life instead of……well, ending up on a
weight-based reality show.
Today wasn’t the day.
Wonder what tomorrow's blank page will say.
Just bein' real, folks. Just bein' real.
Just bein' real, folks. Just bein' real.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
I've Got A Blank Space Baby......
We all do. A friend of mine posted something interesting on New
Years Eve. After her post, I saw it literally everywhere so apparently
people liked it!!
"Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one."
How simple is that? As with most things, it's easier said than done. However, it is nice to think that at the end of every year, my "book" ends and a new one begins. Some years are Best Sellers and some need to be in the bargain bin. No matter what was written on those pages in the past, it's comforting to know that I am forgiven and I am loved, thank you God!!!
Where does 2014 fit in for me? Amongst all the bad there was a lot of good so I think somewhere in middle fits just fine. I'm not sure if it's possible to do a recap but I will try (with the help of my trusty Facebook timeline!!):
Our year started out with a trip to the Humane Society. Our first. The kids and I delivered some blankets that were donated through the SGA at Heard. That place hurts my heart so badly. I have to keep a total blackout in my brain when it comes to thinking about the amount of neglected and abused animals in this world. Kudos to Ian Somerhalder for all of his work with ISF. I wish there was enough money in this world to take care of them all.
In February, Ethan FINALLY got contacts! He's been wearing glasses since he was 2 years old. OMGoodness did he bloom after he got them! He went from having a shaved head to a head FULL of hair. He's a totally different kid.
In March, Ethan and Emily performed in a Talent Show at Heard with their friends, Devin & Tonantzin. They did an awesome dance to Jailhouse Rock and ended up in 3rd place! Also in March, we took our first camping trip to Cape San Blas/Indian Pass, Florida. The beach was literally right outside of our camper AND it was completely empty. We were able to take Triggy with us and we even were able to take him with us into town at Appalachicola to eat dinner! We really had a great vacation together.
April brought a birthday for the E's. It was our first double digit birthday!! Mom was well enough at the time to go to church so we visited Southside with them. We followed that with our annual family birthday dinner at Outback.
In May, Ethan's Cub Scout den was promoted to Boy Scouts at the Arrow of Light ceremony. Webelos is supposed to take two years to complete but their den leader had them complete it in only a year. Ethan really enjoyed the aspect of Cub Scouts, and even Boy Scouts, but his interest diminished quickly and he withdrew from Scouts.
May also brought another school year to a close. Ethan was in his last year at Heard (a 5th grader) and earned Student of the Year, Valedictorian, straight A's for 5 years and winner of the Academic Bowl. He really is amazing to watch. For his accomplishments, his dad got him his own rifle. It turns out, hunting isn't really his thing but he enjoys shooting so at least he will be able to use it on clays.
In June, we returned to our home church of Ridgecrest Baptist Church. This was NOT an easy decision for us to make. We had made some wonderful friendships at Redeemer but ultimately we made the decision we thought would be best for our family. The kids also attended their first week-long camp at Camp Victory. They absolutely loved it and didn't want to leave when we picked them up!! Josh and I went to New Orleans for a couple of days while they were at camp. I can safely say that was probably our last trip to New Orleans for a while.
In July, we took a road trip vacation! Our first stop was to Akron, Ohio to visit my side of the family. We had Strickland's custard. This has been a family tradition for as long as I can remember!!!
We visited the Amish stores & restaurants and we attended the annual Powell family picnic!! From there we went to Monroe, Michigan to visit Josh's side of the family. We met them in Sandusky, Ohio and hit up Cedar Point Amusement Park. AWESOMMMMMME!!!!!!
On the way home, we stopped in Gatlinburg for a few days. Hiking is one of our most favorite things to do as a family. We collect medallions from each trail that we complete!
Josh always leads, followed by Emily, Ethan and then me. As Josh was walking around a small curve, I saw the bushes on his left move a little bit. I held the kids back because they moved a bit more. Out walked a bear not even 5 feet from Josh!!! The bear casually walked up the path a bit and then headed up into the mountain. Talk about an adrenaline rush!!!!
July was a big birthday for me as I finally joined the "40" club. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was bothered because I had not lost the weight I wanted to before I hit the age but at least I hit it!! I started writing this blog in the summer of 2014 as well. I would have NEVER believed it would become what it has. I wish I had taken the time to stretch out the stories instead of posting every day. I knew I would run out of things to say. Nevertheless, the words of encouragement have been amazing and I thank each of you that have expressed them to me!!! I haven't totally dismissed the book idea..... If you're wondering what Im talking about, feel free to start the "series" from the beginning here: The Introduction
August 2014 was a month I will never forget. After years of talks and questions, the kids finally sat down with Brother Lloyd and had the talk. Talk they did....for several hours! Ultimately, they both came to the conclusion to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and to follow it with baptism. SO proud of them for making that decision!
School started back in August. This
year began a little different than others though. I started
homeschooling Ethan when Emily went back to school for 5th grade. I had
no idea what to expect and was scared to death I would fail at
educating my child. It was a little rocky to start with but we found
our groove quickly and we were zooming through the curriculum.
Until......
I am definitely not going to go into detail on the whys of it all, but Josh and I decided to pull Emily from school so she could be homeschooled as well. I pulled Ethan back a bit and sped Emily up so we could all be on the same page. It took a couple of weeks but we finally got there!
In September, we traveled to Children's Hospital for Emmy's annual heart check up. Everything looked good but most importantly, her doctor cleared her to FINALLY start taking gymnastics! She isn't allowed to be in competitive gymnastics though.
Ethan decided to start taking art lessons. I definitely think he found his hobby because he is fantastic!!! I'm proud for them to be able to do the things they love!
I started Advocare in October, thanks to Amanda and her sister-in-law, Haley. It's a last ditch effort since I seem to fail at everything else and the possibility of being on The Biggest Loser is non-existent!! At this point (January 2015), I've lost 16 pounds so apparently we're doing something right! I have 84 more to go but at least its a start!
At the end of October, I got braces. Yes, a 40 year old woman with braces. I don't know what I was thinking. I have to wear these for a year. Next Christmas I will have orthognathic surgery followed by another year of braces. Aside from the pain in getting used to them for the first few weeks, I can say that the worst part of braces for me is eating. Eating is absolutely disgusting now. Food gets stuck in cracks and crevices. I have to be conscious about every bite so I can make sure there's nothing left when I'm finished. Swishing food out afterwards is just gross. Bleh.
November & December brought the normal holiday fare. Josh is still flying back and forth from California and it really is going well. We were able to provide the kids with a nice Christmas without going overboard AND sticking to our rule on paying cash for everything. It's a pain some times but it's also very gratifying to be able to pay for something without the strings of debt attached.
We welcomed a new family member this year, Lincoln Godwin (our nephew by way of Whitney & Ryan). We celebrated birthdays and milestones together. Mom's health is declining but she's still with us and she still has that sassy streak in her.
My time with the PTO at Heard is also coming to an end as I pass on my treasurer duties. At first I was a little upset about not being in the day-to-day craziness but time has shown me that I made the right decision. It has been an eye opener to say the least. I don't know if teachers don't realize it or if they do it intentionally but things that are said in front of students are heard, and repeated. It stings a bit.
We've made a lot of new friends and built stronger relationships with those we already knew. We also lost several friendships but, it happens. Some are just seasonal I suppose!
So, what about your blank space, baby????
"Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one."
How simple is that? As with most things, it's easier said than done. However, it is nice to think that at the end of every year, my "book" ends and a new one begins. Some years are Best Sellers and some need to be in the bargain bin. No matter what was written on those pages in the past, it's comforting to know that I am forgiven and I am loved, thank you God!!!
Where does 2014 fit in for me? Amongst all the bad there was a lot of good so I think somewhere in middle fits just fine. I'm not sure if it's possible to do a recap but I will try (with the help of my trusty Facebook timeline!!):
Our year started out with a trip to the Humane Society. Our first. The kids and I delivered some blankets that were donated through the SGA at Heard. That place hurts my heart so badly. I have to keep a total blackout in my brain when it comes to thinking about the amount of neglected and abused animals in this world. Kudos to Ian Somerhalder for all of his work with ISF. I wish there was enough money in this world to take care of them all.
In February, Ethan FINALLY got contacts! He's been wearing glasses since he was 2 years old. OMGoodness did he bloom after he got them! He went from having a shaved head to a head FULL of hair. He's a totally different kid.
In March, Ethan and Emily performed in a Talent Show at Heard with their friends, Devin & Tonantzin. They did an awesome dance to Jailhouse Rock and ended up in 3rd place! Also in March, we took our first camping trip to Cape San Blas/Indian Pass, Florida. The beach was literally right outside of our camper AND it was completely empty. We were able to take Triggy with us and we even were able to take him with us into town at Appalachicola to eat dinner! We really had a great vacation together.
April brought a birthday for the E's. It was our first double digit birthday!! Mom was well enough at the time to go to church so we visited Southside with them. We followed that with our annual family birthday dinner at Outback.
In May, Ethan's Cub Scout den was promoted to Boy Scouts at the Arrow of Light ceremony. Webelos is supposed to take two years to complete but their den leader had them complete it in only a year. Ethan really enjoyed the aspect of Cub Scouts, and even Boy Scouts, but his interest diminished quickly and he withdrew from Scouts.
May also brought another school year to a close. Ethan was in his last year at Heard (a 5th grader) and earned Student of the Year, Valedictorian, straight A's for 5 years and winner of the Academic Bowl. He really is amazing to watch. For his accomplishments, his dad got him his own rifle. It turns out, hunting isn't really his thing but he enjoys shooting so at least he will be able to use it on clays.
In June, we returned to our home church of Ridgecrest Baptist Church. This was NOT an easy decision for us to make. We had made some wonderful friendships at Redeemer but ultimately we made the decision we thought would be best for our family. The kids also attended their first week-long camp at Camp Victory. They absolutely loved it and didn't want to leave when we picked them up!! Josh and I went to New Orleans for a couple of days while they were at camp. I can safely say that was probably our last trip to New Orleans for a while.
In July, we took a road trip vacation! Our first stop was to Akron, Ohio to visit my side of the family. We had Strickland's custard. This has been a family tradition for as long as I can remember!!!
We visited the Amish stores & restaurants and we attended the annual Powell family picnic!! From there we went to Monroe, Michigan to visit Josh's side of the family. We met them in Sandusky, Ohio and hit up Cedar Point Amusement Park. AWESOMMMMMME!!!!!!
On the way home, we stopped in Gatlinburg for a few days. Hiking is one of our most favorite things to do as a family. We collect medallions from each trail that we complete!
Josh always leads, followed by Emily, Ethan and then me. As Josh was walking around a small curve, I saw the bushes on his left move a little bit. I held the kids back because they moved a bit more. Out walked a bear not even 5 feet from Josh!!! The bear casually walked up the path a bit and then headed up into the mountain. Talk about an adrenaline rush!!!!
July was a big birthday for me as I finally joined the "40" club. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was bothered because I had not lost the weight I wanted to before I hit the age but at least I hit it!! I started writing this blog in the summer of 2014 as well. I would have NEVER believed it would become what it has. I wish I had taken the time to stretch out the stories instead of posting every day. I knew I would run out of things to say. Nevertheless, the words of encouragement have been amazing and I thank each of you that have expressed them to me!!! I haven't totally dismissed the book idea..... If you're wondering what Im talking about, feel free to start the "series" from the beginning here: The Introduction
August 2014 was a month I will never forget. After years of talks and questions, the kids finally sat down with Brother Lloyd and had the talk. Talk they did....for several hours! Ultimately, they both came to the conclusion to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and to follow it with baptism. SO proud of them for making that decision!
I am definitely not going to go into detail on the whys of it all, but Josh and I decided to pull Emily from school so she could be homeschooled as well. I pulled Ethan back a bit and sped Emily up so we could all be on the same page. It took a couple of weeks but we finally got there!
In September, we traveled to Children's Hospital for Emmy's annual heart check up. Everything looked good but most importantly, her doctor cleared her to FINALLY start taking gymnastics! She isn't allowed to be in competitive gymnastics though.
Ethan decided to start taking art lessons. I definitely think he found his hobby because he is fantastic!!! I'm proud for them to be able to do the things they love!
 |
| Drawing at 1st lesson |
 |
| The rest of these are after 1 month of lessons |
I started Advocare in October, thanks to Amanda and her sister-in-law, Haley. It's a last ditch effort since I seem to fail at everything else and the possibility of being on The Biggest Loser is non-existent!! At this point (January 2015), I've lost 16 pounds so apparently we're doing something right! I have 84 more to go but at least its a start!
At the end of October, I got braces. Yes, a 40 year old woman with braces. I don't know what I was thinking. I have to wear these for a year. Next Christmas I will have orthognathic surgery followed by another year of braces. Aside from the pain in getting used to them for the first few weeks, I can say that the worst part of braces for me is eating. Eating is absolutely disgusting now. Food gets stuck in cracks and crevices. I have to be conscious about every bite so I can make sure there's nothing left when I'm finished. Swishing food out afterwards is just gross. Bleh.
November & December brought the normal holiday fare. Josh is still flying back and forth from California and it really is going well. We were able to provide the kids with a nice Christmas without going overboard AND sticking to our rule on paying cash for everything. It's a pain some times but it's also very gratifying to be able to pay for something without the strings of debt attached.
We welcomed a new family member this year, Lincoln Godwin (our nephew by way of Whitney & Ryan). We celebrated birthdays and milestones together. Mom's health is declining but she's still with us and she still has that sassy streak in her.
My time with the PTO at Heard is also coming to an end as I pass on my treasurer duties. At first I was a little upset about not being in the day-to-day craziness but time has shown me that I made the right decision. It has been an eye opener to say the least. I don't know if teachers don't realize it or if they do it intentionally but things that are said in front of students are heard, and repeated. It stings a bit.
We've made a lot of new friends and built stronger relationships with those we already knew. We also lost several friendships but, it happens. Some are just seasonal I suppose!
So, what about your blank space, baby????
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Hell on Earth
I'm sitting here surrounded by contradiction. In front of me I see our beautiful little Christmas tree, my little Christmas village above the entertainment center and a sappy love story on Lifetime. My dog is upside down on the couch with his legs spread wide open. He knows he's safe and loved. My children are in their beds, tucked in neatly and covered with night night kisses. They know they're safe and loved. Even my husband, who is sometimes thousands of miles away from me, can rest easy when he sleeps after working grueling hours in order to provide for his family. He knows he's loved and definitely appreciated.
However, when I flip the channel or scroll through Facebook, I'm doused in hatred. Abuse to animals runs rampant. It's sickening. Hundreds of horses laying dead in a field. Puppies hanging from trees. Thousands of animals being burned, beaten and even killed for no reason other than pure evil. People are randomly stabbed while just walking down the street or simply using a public restroom in a mall. Protests are rising up in city after city. Some are peaceful while others.....well, not so much. School and workplace shootings seem to be a monthly occurrence. Children are being slaughtered in front of their parents for being Christians. Billboards from atheists referencing Christmas and fairy tales relating to church. That was just THIS WEEK!! The disgust I feel for the world we live in nearly overtakes my ability to hold on to some sort of hope. Nearly, but not completely. Every day I pray for this to be the day that the heavens open up and Jesus takes us home!
But....who is us? For story's sake, let me put it this way. Say there's a woman called "Ann". Ann goes to church every Sunday morning. She volunteers on various committees at church as well as committees at her children's school. She donates money to charities. She doesn't know how to say NO even though saying yes compromises things she already has planned. Her radio is tuned to the local contemporary christian station. Her Facebook is filled with scripture and encouraging posts. She is a dedicated wife, mother, neighbor and friend. But......is she a Christian? Will she be one of the ones saved from this world if Jesus returns in her lifetime?
A recent Sunday school lesson invoked some serious thoughts about myself and people in general. It was explored further in a conversation with Amanda. "How do you know?" By looking at and interacting with someone, how do you know they're a Christian? By all accounts, "Ann" is what most people would call a "good" person and most would even assume she is a Christian. Here's the thing. She's not. Will Jesus take her home if he busted through the clouds right now? That's something that only she and God know the true answer to.
The only way we will even get close to knowing is to invest in "Ann". Where is she from? What does she like to do? What are her thoughts on God? Does she believe Jesus is the Son of God and died for our sins? Do we, as a society, take time to invest in people's lives not for the sole pleasure of gossip but because we actually CARE. Do we ask the hard questions? Due to my own insecurities, I can easily say that I don't ask the hard questions. I don't invest in others like I should.
The Bible says that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. EVERYONE should be given the opportunity to accept or reject Christ. Everyone means everyone. This world is a mess. There's no doubt about that. I don't know if it's getting worse or it just appears that way because of the access we have to more worldwide information.
However, when I flip the channel or scroll through Facebook, I'm doused in hatred. Abuse to animals runs rampant. It's sickening. Hundreds of horses laying dead in a field. Puppies hanging from trees. Thousands of animals being burned, beaten and even killed for no reason other than pure evil. People are randomly stabbed while just walking down the street or simply using a public restroom in a mall. Protests are rising up in city after city. Some are peaceful while others.....well, not so much. School and workplace shootings seem to be a monthly occurrence. Children are being slaughtered in front of their parents for being Christians. Billboards from atheists referencing Christmas and fairy tales relating to church. That was just THIS WEEK!! The disgust I feel for the world we live in nearly overtakes my ability to hold on to some sort of hope. Nearly, but not completely. Every day I pray for this to be the day that the heavens open up and Jesus takes us home!
But....who is us? For story's sake, let me put it this way. Say there's a woman called "Ann". Ann goes to church every Sunday morning. She volunteers on various committees at church as well as committees at her children's school. She donates money to charities. She doesn't know how to say NO even though saying yes compromises things she already has planned. Her radio is tuned to the local contemporary christian station. Her Facebook is filled with scripture and encouraging posts. She is a dedicated wife, mother, neighbor and friend. But......is she a Christian? Will she be one of the ones saved from this world if Jesus returns in her lifetime?
A recent Sunday school lesson invoked some serious thoughts about myself and people in general. It was explored further in a conversation with Amanda. "How do you know?" By looking at and interacting with someone, how do you know they're a Christian? By all accounts, "Ann" is what most people would call a "good" person and most would even assume she is a Christian. Here's the thing. She's not. Will Jesus take her home if he busted through the clouds right now? That's something that only she and God know the true answer to.
The only way we will even get close to knowing is to invest in "Ann". Where is she from? What does she like to do? What are her thoughts on God? Does she believe Jesus is the Son of God and died for our sins? Do we, as a society, take time to invest in people's lives not for the sole pleasure of gossip but because we actually CARE. Do we ask the hard questions? Due to my own insecurities, I can easily say that I don't ask the hard questions. I don't invest in others like I should.
The Bible says that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. EVERYONE should be given the opportunity to accept or reject Christ. Everyone means everyone. This world is a mess. There's no doubt about that. I don't know if it's getting worse or it just appears that way because of the access we have to more worldwide information.
I saw a comment the other day that stuck with me. Although the quote is from Albert Camus, an atheist, I love what it says. "I would rather live my life as if there
is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live as if there isn't
and to die to find out that there is."
Have I questioned His existence? Have I tried to understand the magnitude of everything He encompasses and then get aggravated when I can't understand it? Do I get annoyed with Christian jargon people throw around? ABSOLUTELY! But, my faith assures me that there is a God and I will continue to believe that without fail. It is, you know, the greatest commandment. Matthew 22: 37-39 says......37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'
So, by looking at me, how do you know I'm a Christian? You don't. You won't. Not until you choose to invest in me and I in you. Our world doesn't stand a chance unless society can grasp that one simple task. Sadly, I just don't see that happening. So, I'll hold on to the hope that one day soon, the heavens will open and these days of what are literally "Hell on Earth" for so many will fall away.
~Allyson~
Sunday, September 21, 2014
The Time I Shot Myself.....kinda
I'm the kind of person who reads the last page of a book to see how it ends because I can't stand the suspense. I use Wikipedia to find out everything that happens in a movie so I'll know when to close my eyes. My friends can't stand that I do this. I can't ever imagine NOT doing it.
I do not like any kind of suspense at all. I certainly do not like to be scared. My family and friends know not to ever "BOO!" me because I can't be responsible for what might happen to them if they do. I go in Fat Girl Ninja mode. It ain't pretty but it's effective and that's what matters.
When I was little, my father (Buddy) was a long-haul trucker so he was gone for periods of time. One night, my mom and I were sitting in our family room watching TV when I heard a scratching at the side window. We had a woodpile right outside and we also heard some logs falling. My mom called the police to come out. After doing a search, it was concluded that it was "just a cat". However, while the police were at our house, a burglary call came in at the house right behind ours. Not a coincidence......
When I was a little bit older, I shared a bedroom with my older sister, who is 11 years older than me. With that age difference, we didn't have a whole lot in common. I was the bratty baby sister and she was a high schooler. One night, I heard a scratching noise at the bedroom window. When I looked over, I saw a stick being raised, lowered and scratching the window screen. Either my mom or my sister tried to scream but nothing came out. I think it was my mom that ran to the front door wielding a gun at the would-be-intruder. To this DAY I am petrified of windows. All of my doors and windows must be covered by blinds and at night they have to be closed. Josh would love to sleep with the window open but that's just not going to ever happen. As a matter of fact, when I first moved back to Dothan from New Orleans, I had all of the windows in my house nailed shut.
You know the feeling you get when you think someone is following you and about to grab you? Its a mixture of adrenaline and fear. I would get that walking down my hallway at night, or walking from my front door to the car, or swimming in our pool. I kept the heeby-jeebies all the time, even now.
I'm also afraid of the dark. Definitely not as much as I used to be. I used to have to have a light on in the bedroom to go to sleep. Now, I just leave the bathroom light on. *lol* Only when Josh is home do I get a dark room to sleep in. Luckily, he can sleep through anything so the light doesn't bother him, just my scaredy-cat ways. Driving down a dark road.....CREEPY! I'm always afraid someone is going to pop out of the bushes. As a middle schooler, a group of us would ride down to the Devil Church on Fortner Street, turn the lights out on the car and drive down there into the dark. If I could see the old me now, I'd love to smack the snot out of me for the stupid things I did.
Growing up, I was convinced I would be dead before I hit 40. I just knew that I would die a horrific, brutal murder. Because of my fear of the dark....and other fears.....Josh decided it would be a good idea to get me a pistol for when he's not here, or if I find myself in a situation out in public. I needed to learn how to shoot it, right?
Josh took me and a box of bullets out to my brother's place in Kinsey. They had a little home made shooting range out there. So I loaded my gun, aimed for the target and prepared to shoot. I made a couple of really good shots! As I was changing my grip, I apparently put my hands in a position Josh told me not to. When I squeezed the trigger, I felt a little cut and then my thumb started pouring blood. We got the bleeding to stop, bandaged it up and kept shooting. Before we left, I was checking out my thumb and noticed it wouldn't bend. At all. I could sit there and will it all I wanted to and it wasn't going to move. We stopped at a friend's house on the way home and let him take a look at it since he's a P.A. He thought it might just be sprained and thought it would probably be ok. It wasn't. By Monday, it was still the same so I called my family doctor for an appointment. I will just say now, my doctor was Tony Gabrielson. If you know him, you can imagine how THAT visit went. He crawled my butt for letting it go so long. "Dude, that's an important digit! You don't need to lose that!" My grip was wrong on the gun so the slide came back when it was fired and it sliced the tendon in my thumb.
A week or two later (!) I was taken to Columbus, GA by an angel named Kelly Johnson. I had surgery on my thumb at the Hughston Clinic. The tendon was reattached and a very long pin was placed in the top of my thumb going straight down through it to hold everything together. I went through hand therapy and today, it's relatively good as new.
All these years, I have had so many fears. It should have occurred to me a long time ago that I'm my own worst enemy. I need to watch out for myself, apparently!
I do not like any kind of suspense at all. I certainly do not like to be scared. My family and friends know not to ever "BOO!" me because I can't be responsible for what might happen to them if they do. I go in Fat Girl Ninja mode. It ain't pretty but it's effective and that's what matters.
When I was little, my father (Buddy) was a long-haul trucker so he was gone for periods of time. One night, my mom and I were sitting in our family room watching TV when I heard a scratching at the side window. We had a woodpile right outside and we also heard some logs falling. My mom called the police to come out. After doing a search, it was concluded that it was "just a cat". However, while the police were at our house, a burglary call came in at the house right behind ours. Not a coincidence......
When I was a little bit older, I shared a bedroom with my older sister, who is 11 years older than me. With that age difference, we didn't have a whole lot in common. I was the bratty baby sister and she was a high schooler. One night, I heard a scratching noise at the bedroom window. When I looked over, I saw a stick being raised, lowered and scratching the window screen. Either my mom or my sister tried to scream but nothing came out. I think it was my mom that ran to the front door wielding a gun at the would-be-intruder. To this DAY I am petrified of windows. All of my doors and windows must be covered by blinds and at night they have to be closed. Josh would love to sleep with the window open but that's just not going to ever happen. As a matter of fact, when I first moved back to Dothan from New Orleans, I had all of the windows in my house nailed shut.
You know the feeling you get when you think someone is following you and about to grab you? Its a mixture of adrenaline and fear. I would get that walking down my hallway at night, or walking from my front door to the car, or swimming in our pool. I kept the heeby-jeebies all the time, even now.
I'm also afraid of the dark. Definitely not as much as I used to be. I used to have to have a light on in the bedroom to go to sleep. Now, I just leave the bathroom light on. *lol* Only when Josh is home do I get a dark room to sleep in. Luckily, he can sleep through anything so the light doesn't bother him, just my scaredy-cat ways. Driving down a dark road.....CREEPY! I'm always afraid someone is going to pop out of the bushes. As a middle schooler, a group of us would ride down to the Devil Church on Fortner Street, turn the lights out on the car and drive down there into the dark. If I could see the old me now, I'd love to smack the snot out of me for the stupid things I did.
Growing up, I was convinced I would be dead before I hit 40. I just knew that I would die a horrific, brutal murder. Because of my fear of the dark....and other fears.....Josh decided it would be a good idea to get me a pistol for when he's not here, or if I find myself in a situation out in public. I needed to learn how to shoot it, right?
Josh took me and a box of bullets out to my brother's place in Kinsey. They had a little home made shooting range out there. So I loaded my gun, aimed for the target and prepared to shoot. I made a couple of really good shots! As I was changing my grip, I apparently put my hands in a position Josh told me not to. When I squeezed the trigger, I felt a little cut and then my thumb started pouring blood. We got the bleeding to stop, bandaged it up and kept shooting. Before we left, I was checking out my thumb and noticed it wouldn't bend. At all. I could sit there and will it all I wanted to and it wasn't going to move. We stopped at a friend's house on the way home and let him take a look at it since he's a P.A. He thought it might just be sprained and thought it would probably be ok. It wasn't. By Monday, it was still the same so I called my family doctor for an appointment. I will just say now, my doctor was Tony Gabrielson. If you know him, you can imagine how THAT visit went. He crawled my butt for letting it go so long. "Dude, that's an important digit! You don't need to lose that!" My grip was wrong on the gun so the slide came back when it was fired and it sliced the tendon in my thumb.
A week or two later (!) I was taken to Columbus, GA by an angel named Kelly Johnson. I had surgery on my thumb at the Hughston Clinic. The tendon was reattached and a very long pin was placed in the top of my thumb going straight down through it to hold everything together. I went through hand therapy and today, it's relatively good as new.
All these years, I have had so many fears. It should have occurred to me a long time ago that I'm my own worst enemy. I need to watch out for myself, apparently!
Monday, September 8, 2014
Animal House
“Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
I was told the other day that I BETTER think of something to write about. *lol* So here!!!
However, if you're not an animal lover, then just go ahead and pass right by this blog. All this is going to be about are 4 legged blessings with a LOT of pictures. I have been an animal lover my entire life. Chances are if you've known me for any length of time, you'll remember at least one if not all of these.
When I was growing up, my mom raised Persian cats, Doberman Pinschers and Afghan Hounds. Before I was born she raised horses. I wish I could have been alive then. A bucket list entry for me is to ride a horse across a beautiful meadow as fast as it can go. Unfortunately, I am not a horse rider so the possibility of that happening is next to none.
My first memory of an animal I actually have a picture of is below. I adopted kittens from one of our litters and named them Blueberry, Wallplug and Lightplug. Crazy original huh? I didn't get to keep them. Once they left that was the end of cats for a while. I also had a pet duck when I was 6. His name was D.D. Mom said it was for Dumb Duck but it was just DD to me. He tried to follow me to school and also swam in our pool with me. We eventually took him out to a friend's pond so he could hang out with his bird friends.
We then had Doberman Pinschers. "Cash" had extremely bad gas if I remember correctly. "Bonnie" was a petite little girl that was just adorable. She had a litter of puppies that I got help take care of. To this day I still remember the smell of Puppy Chow and water mixed together because that's what we fed them. One of the puppies accidentally was stepped on by someone and I remember it being devastating. He was bleeding and my mom was trying to save it. UGH, sometimes I hate vivid memories.
After the Dobermans we started raising Afghan Hounds. We had Penny (Lady Penelope Szerzo), KC (K-Z's Summerwind Akaba) and Cella (Mahadi's Silver Lima de Prima).
They are absolutely beautiful animals but a pain in the butt to keep groomed. When I was in 2nd grade, the Dothan Eagle did a story on my mom raising the Afghans. When I got home from school, they took a picture of me and the puppies to add to the article.
One of the puppies had a tendon problem so several times a day I would work the puppy's paws back and forth trying to stretch the tendon. I saw a lot of litters born and learned very young how precious even an animal life is. When the Afghans were gone, we didn't have any animals. Until Morris.....
Murphy was a sweet little baby that was abandoned by his mother. He
hardly had a chance he was so sick. I was trying to nurse him back to
health and ended up killing him. He liked to cuddle up close to me at
night. I woke up one morning and he was hard as a rock. Suffocated.
My dear sweet Dad tried to give him mouth-to-mouth we were all so upset
about that little fella.
Morris the Cat came into my life when I was in middle school. He was there throughout all the rough stuff with my parents divorcing. I can't tell you how many times I would go outside and lay on the concrete or grass and cry to my kitty. As he got older, he developed a skin condition. A really nasty one at that. He lost a lot of fur and it was replaced by scabs which bled all the time. When he was 15, he had a stroke. It was winter so I kept him inside by the wood burning stove. I had to pick him up to get food and water. Late one night I went in to check on him. I got down on the carpet, cuddled around him and just started talking about all the things we had been through together. I told him I hated seeing him suffer because it was breaking my heart. He was gone the next morning.....
In high school I had a little white doggie named Duffy. He was named after Duff McKagan in Guns N Roses. Ha! Ha!
I didn't do well with bunnies. I tried for a short time after Morris. I thought I was doing a good thing by letting the bunny play outside while I was out there. Unfortunately, I forgot the City had been out to spray the yard. Bunny ate the grass and died the next morning. Another image in my brain.
Let's see........after the bunny came our time with Shelties. The little girl was Prissy and the boy was Kane. These were really smart and beautiful dogs! Remember the near-flood Dothan experienced in the 90s? These two babies were stuck in the crawl-space of my house during that and it was full of water! My mom swam out into the water, underneath the house and rescued them. Prissy was standing on top of Kane and they were up to their noses in water. But they lived!!! Mom eventually got rid of Prissy and gave Kane to my sister. I don't know if Kane was trying to get back to us or just ran away but he was found shot on the side of the road. I'll end that story right there.........
Along came Joe. Joe was one of the coolest cats I had ever met. He was sweet, mild mannered and a great cuddler. Joe passed away the year the kids were born. He had Leukemia. Anytime his name is brought up now, it's almost always followed by "I miss ole' Joe. He was a good cat." That he was.
A friend of mine was watching my dog for me when I had brain surgery. When I went to pick up my dog, he showed me a kitten he was about to put in the woods because he didn't want it. I TOOK IT! It was way too little to be all alone! He named her Biloxi but I just cut it off at Bill. So then I had two cats, Joe & Bill.
When I lived with Chad in Louisiana, his brother Michael had a dog named Loretta. Since I wasn't able to work, I got to spend a lot of time with her and fell completely in love. When Chad and I split, Loretta and I did too.
After the split, I got an apartment in Louisiana. I was lonely though because I have always had animals around me. So, I adopted Spencer. Spencer's mom was killed by a car when he was a little baby. He lived on a car lot and was absolutely nasty. He weighed 1 pound, he had an upper respiratory infection and kitty herpes. When I moved back to Dothan and started dating Josh, he rescued a kitty that was getting his butt kicked outside of our house. This cat fell in LOVE with Josh! It was adorable. He was found in October and he was orange so we named him Punkin. So then we had Bill, Spencer and Punkin at our house and Joe lived at moms until he passed away from leukemia.
A little while after we moved into our new house, Bill disappeared. We have no idea what happened to her and Emily still talks about her to this day. Several years later, Punkin developed diabetes. I noticed he was drinking a lot of water and he couldn't walk right. The vet said he would live but he would have to have shots every day. I couldn't do that to my baby, him not knowing why I was sticking him with a needle all the time. Punkin then passed away.
Spencer lived for 14 years. The last couple of years of his life were absolutely miserable. I finally gave in and had him put to sleep. It nearly killed me. Josh did it when I was at school for PTO one day. He even brought him back home and buried him for me. These were his last days:
Man, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. If you're not an animal lover, you can't imagine what it feels like to live through this, let alone relive it by writing this post.
But, all of that brings me to where we are now. Four years ago on a rainy July afternoon, we came across a puppy while we were all out riding our bikes. I brought the kids on home while Josh tried to find out who the pup belonged to. Josh walked through the door with this face:
This picture is so funny to me. It's like he is trying to put on his best cuteness so we will keep him. I wasn't the problem, it was Josh. He said we would keep him in the yard until we found his owner. No owner found. So then he was just supposed to stay outside.......but then this happened.
Really though, could you deny that face? Trigger Treat Edwards is truly the best dog I have ever owned. He's so smart. He's funny. He protects his family. He's just awesome :) No more cats. No more dogs. NOW I understand why my mom always said when we got rid of our animals, we wouldn't get any more. It's just too hard to lose them.
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
I was told the other day that I BETTER think of something to write about. *lol* So here!!!
However, if you're not an animal lover, then just go ahead and pass right by this blog. All this is going to be about are 4 legged blessings with a LOT of pictures. I have been an animal lover my entire life. Chances are if you've known me for any length of time, you'll remember at least one if not all of these.
When I was growing up, my mom raised Persian cats, Doberman Pinschers and Afghan Hounds. Before I was born she raised horses. I wish I could have been alive then. A bucket list entry for me is to ride a horse across a beautiful meadow as fast as it can go. Unfortunately, I am not a horse rider so the possibility of that happening is next to none.
My first memory of an animal I actually have a picture of is below. I adopted kittens from one of our litters and named them Blueberry, Wallplug and Lightplug. Crazy original huh? I didn't get to keep them. Once they left that was the end of cats for a while. I also had a pet duck when I was 6. His name was D.D. Mom said it was for Dumb Duck but it was just DD to me. He tried to follow me to school and also swam in our pool with me. We eventually took him out to a friend's pond so he could hang out with his bird friends.
 |
| Infamous green carpet I mentioned in my first blog.... |
We then had Doberman Pinschers. "Cash" had extremely bad gas if I remember correctly. "Bonnie" was a petite little girl that was just adorable. She had a litter of puppies that I got help take care of. To this day I still remember the smell of Puppy Chow and water mixed together because that's what we fed them. One of the puppies accidentally was stepped on by someone and I remember it being devastating. He was bleeding and my mom was trying to save it. UGH, sometimes I hate vivid memories.
After the Dobermans we started raising Afghan Hounds. We had Penny (Lady Penelope Szerzo), KC (K-Z's Summerwind Akaba) and Cella (Mahadi's Silver Lima de Prima).
 |
| KC & Penny |
 |
| Me & Cella |
They are absolutely beautiful animals but a pain in the butt to keep groomed. When I was in 2nd grade, the Dothan Eagle did a story on my mom raising the Afghans. When I got home from school, they took a picture of me and the puppies to add to the article.
One of the puppies had a tendon problem so several times a day I would work the puppy's paws back and forth trying to stretch the tendon. I saw a lot of litters born and learned very young how precious even an animal life is. When the Afghans were gone, we didn't have any animals. Until Morris.....
 |
| Morris and Murphy |
 |
| His final days |
Morris the Cat came into my life when I was in middle school. He was there throughout all the rough stuff with my parents divorcing. I can't tell you how many times I would go outside and lay on the concrete or grass and cry to my kitty. As he got older, he developed a skin condition. A really nasty one at that. He lost a lot of fur and it was replaced by scabs which bled all the time. When he was 15, he had a stroke. It was winter so I kept him inside by the wood burning stove. I had to pick him up to get food and water. Late one night I went in to check on him. I got down on the carpet, cuddled around him and just started talking about all the things we had been through together. I told him I hated seeing him suffer because it was breaking my heart. He was gone the next morning.....
In high school I had a little white doggie named Duffy. He was named after Duff McKagan in Guns N Roses. Ha! Ha!
I didn't do well with bunnies. I tried for a short time after Morris. I thought I was doing a good thing by letting the bunny play outside while I was out there. Unfortunately, I forgot the City had been out to spray the yard. Bunny ate the grass and died the next morning. Another image in my brain.
Let's see........after the bunny came our time with Shelties. The little girl was Prissy and the boy was Kane. These were really smart and beautiful dogs! Remember the near-flood Dothan experienced in the 90s? These two babies were stuck in the crawl-space of my house during that and it was full of water! My mom swam out into the water, underneath the house and rescued them. Prissy was standing on top of Kane and they were up to their noses in water. But they lived!!! Mom eventually got rid of Prissy and gave Kane to my sister. I don't know if Kane was trying to get back to us or just ran away but he was found shot on the side of the road. I'll end that story right there.........
Along came Joe. Joe was one of the coolest cats I had ever met. He was sweet, mild mannered and a great cuddler. Joe passed away the year the kids were born. He had Leukemia. Anytime his name is brought up now, it's almost always followed by "I miss ole' Joe. He was a good cat." That he was.
A friend of mine was watching my dog for me when I had brain surgery. When I went to pick up my dog, he showed me a kitten he was about to put in the woods because he didn't want it. I TOOK IT! It was way too little to be all alone! He named her Biloxi but I just cut it off at Bill. So then I had two cats, Joe & Bill.
When I lived with Chad in Louisiana, his brother Michael had a dog named Loretta. Since I wasn't able to work, I got to spend a lot of time with her and fell completely in love. When Chad and I split, Loretta and I did too.
After the split, I got an apartment in Louisiana. I was lonely though because I have always had animals around me. So, I adopted Spencer. Spencer's mom was killed by a car when he was a little baby. He lived on a car lot and was absolutely nasty. He weighed 1 pound, he had an upper respiratory infection and kitty herpes. When I moved back to Dothan and started dating Josh, he rescued a kitty that was getting his butt kicked outside of our house. This cat fell in LOVE with Josh! It was adorable. He was found in October and he was orange so we named him Punkin. So then we had Bill, Spencer and Punkin at our house and Joe lived at moms until he passed away from leukemia.
 | ||
| Punkins last few days.....cuddled with Spencer |
Man, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. If you're not an animal lover, you can't imagine what it feels like to live through this, let alone relive it by writing this post.
But, all of that brings me to where we are now. Four years ago on a rainy July afternoon, we came across a puppy while we were all out riding our bikes. I brought the kids on home while Josh tried to find out who the pup belonged to. Josh walked through the door with this face:
 | |
| Introducing....TRIGGER!! |
 |
| SUCKERRR! |
He became an inside dog but he was NOT going to sleep with us, period.
 |
| Need I caption this picture?!?! SUCKER!!!! |
Really though, could you deny that face? Trigger Treat Edwards is truly the best dog I have ever owned. He's so smart. He's funny. He protects his family. He's just awesome :) No more cats. No more dogs. NOW I understand why my mom always said when we got rid of our animals, we wouldn't get any more. It's just too hard to lose them.
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