The Road To Pregnancy

This is a repost from Myspace in 2004.

A BRIEF HISTORY

After Josh and I were married for almost two years, we decided it was time to try for a family. I suspected it would be a difficult task, and I couldn't have been more correct! Thinking it was just me, it turned out it was both of us!! We began with a series of tests they commonly conduct with couples just starting the infertility route. Since we had been married for two years and had not become pregnant, we didn't have to wait the standard "6 months of actively trying". We immediately found out that I do not ovulate. So, we tried 3 months of Clomid which did not work. Next, we scheduled an HSG to check my tubes for blockage. Though I've read it's supposed to be "minor cramping", I came up off the table it hurt so bad!! I was unable to go through the HSG which resulted in a laparoscopy in April 2002. Dr. Beverly got rid of a minimal amount of endometriosis and noticed there was some scar tissue build up from a shunt that was placed after my brain surgery in 1997. Otherwise, my tubes looked fine and I was ready to go to the next step. The next step was to test Josh. After doing his "test", we found out that out of a minimum standard sperm count of 20 million, Josh had a mere 3 million. It turned out that Josh had a varicocele (enlarged varicose vein in testicle), which is fairly common. Josh had a Varicocelectomy with some beneficial results. His count went from 3 million to 17 million. Finally, in May 2003, we started a series of subcutaneous shots called Follistim. The purpose of the injections was to rapidly stimulate my ovaries to produce follicles. Once enough follicles were mature, an intramuscular shot would be given to actually make me ovulate. This was to be coupled with Intra Uterine Insemination, which ended up failing the first time we tried it. Though Josh's count had gone up after surgery, it had gone back down to a mere 8 million on the day of our inseminations ( I think his boys got nervous *lol*). With Josh trying to go to school and work AND the two year mark approaching, I was seriously thinking of just quitting. I didn't want to go through this for years and years and years and go broke in the process. In June of 2003, I had one of the most vivid dreams ever, but it was very simple. It was that Josh and I finally were able to become pregnant, we had twins (a boy and girl) and their name were Ethan and Emily. After thinking LOOOOONG and hard about it, we decided ONE more try. Since Josh was in clinicals, we had to wait until his semester was over. So in August 2003, we began Follistim injections again. The following is a timeline of the second IUI using Reproductive Biology Associates in Atlanta (Dr. Andrew Toledo), and it’s obvious success!!


***IN THE BEGINNING***
(I have deleted a lot of the daily numbers and estradiol levels.  You guys don't care about that stuff!)



DAY 2 AUGUST 15, 2003
Ultrasound, first shot of Follistim at 150iu, Estradiol level 52

DAY 6 AUGUST 19, 2003
Ultrasound showing 12 follicles. Follistim at 225iu. Estradiol level 37

DAY 8 AUGUST 21, 2003
Ultrasound showing 16 follicles. Follistim at 300iu. Estradiol level 69

DAY 12 AUGUST 25, 2003
Ultrasound showing 22 follicles on each side. Follistim at 225iu. Estradiol at 585. Mild right ovary pain.

DAY 15 AUGUST 28, 2003
**It’s Time** We wait for my friend Victoria to give birth to her baby, Paedon Eric. Once he's here and we know everyone is ok, we head to Atlanta at 5:00pm. HCG shot at 11:00pm.
DAY 16 AUGUST 29, 2003
Insemination done at 11:00am by Dr. Toledo. Shopped at Perimeter Mall!
DAY 17 AUGUST 30, 2003
Insemination done at 11:00am by Dr. Park. Went to Six Flags. SERIOUS ovary pain.
DAY 18 AUGUST 31, 2003
Home from Atlanta (sure didn't want to leave The Cheesecake Factory!). Now it’s the waiting game……

DAY 20 SEPTEMBER 2, 2003
Put on bedrest for hyper-stimulation of ovaries

DAY 28 SEPTEMBER 10, 2003
***POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST*** HCG=29 Progesterone=16
I wasn't supposed to find out until September 11 but I didn't want to find out on "THAT" day. Without anyone knowing, I decided to call the doc and see if I could come early. I went first thing before work on 9/10 and had my blood drawn. I called a few hours later to see if the results were ready. They were acting weird and said they would call me back. Not 2-3 minutes later, the office calls me back and they're on speakerphone. (?) I heard them say "Allyson, are you sitting down?" I started getting nervous and almost crying while they were just dragging it out. You could hear all the girls in the background giggling. Finally they said "Girlfriend, you are PREGNANT!!!" Immediate reaction was to scream! *lol* I started crying my eyes out. My boss ran in from his office (the owner of the company was in his office too!) as other people heard me scream, they came in too. I told them the test was positive and it's like everyone nearly burst into tears! (All of my co-workers as well as all of the wonderful women at Women's Medical Center had become so involved in my ordeal that they were as happy as I was!!)
Once I calmed down, I went into the WDJR studio and told Skip I needed to do something to tell my mom! He decided to call her and act like she had won a contest. She was so sick of telemarketers and thought that's who he was that she almost hung up on him!! She eventually caught on and probably was more relieved I was pregnant than having to deal with another telemarketer. *lol* Skip did a great big congrats on the air for us! The problem with that was....I hadn't told Josh!!! People were calling me and telling me they heard it on the air and then I was in a panic! JOSH! *lol* He was just about to get out of class so I ran to the store, bought some receiving blankets and a card. I put them in his truck and on the card I just put a big smiley face. When he called a few minutes later, he was just a giggling! All he could say was "ARE WE?!?!?". I started crying, he almost started crying.....it was the happiest I had ever heard him. Mom came to work and brought me cupcakes, cake, flowers. Josh came in with flowers and the biggest smile in the world!!! From there, I sent out an ePregnancy announcement and called everyone.
Though the test was positive, we had to wait for a few consecutive tests to make sure everything was going to be consistent. It turns out, we got pregnant twice! *lol* When they do IUI, they do it two days in a row to increase the chances. Well, ours took both times! So, Ethan is "technically" two days older than Emily though they'll obviously both be born on the same day.
DAY 30 SEPTEMBER 12, 2003
***SECOND POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST*** HCG=106 Progesterone=19
DAY 31 SEPTEMBER 13, 2003
Started bleeding and continued for approximately two weeks.  
(*Note: we later found out that I was pregnant with a third baby but it was so early, it didn't survive.)
DAY 32 SEPTEMBER 14, 2003
My sister, Kristi, found out she’s pregnant and due the same day!! (Ansley Brooke)

DAY 34 SEPTEMBER 16, 2003
Bryson Christopher Sowell born to Chris & Tori Sowell (9lbs 1oz)

DAY 35 SEPTEMBER 17, 2003
My brain surgery anniversary marks 7 years
HCG=352 Progesterone=21.08
DAY 38 SEPTEMBER 20, 2003
Went to Auburn to visit Frank & Dena

DAY 50 OCTOBER 2, 2003
***T W I N S ! ! *** Progesterone=22.93 Ultrasound
It was another one of those exciting days! Josh's sister, Whitney, went with me to the doctor on this day. I wasn't aware I was supposed to bring a tape with me to this ultrasound. The girls in the doctor's office found one for me. We settle in for the ultrasound and Kay starts looking around for the baby. She finds him/her and says everything looks good. I say "Ok, just one! That's fine, we can do that!". She just kind of smiles and keeps looking. Then she says, "Allyson, I want you to look right here. Now look right here." More giggles.....*lol* I find out there are two babies, not one! I told Kay we needed to go get Misty (from the lab) and Leigh Ann (my nurse). So, she attempts to open the door and the two of them fall into the room! *lol* Everyone starts laughing and smiling and looking at our two babies. It was another wonderful day.
On my way to work, I called mom and tell her we have twins. She says no, we're having one. I said no, we're having twins. She says no, we're having one. *lol* Again, she caught on and took a biiiiig deep breath. Keep in mind, my sister is pregnant too. Three babies due on the same day to my parents' two daughters. *WHEW* I called Josh and it was the same as last time. When I didn't think he could be any happier, he found out he was going to be a double daddy! He was actually at school when I called and told him. He just repeated "Twins?" and I heard a hall full of his classmates start clapping and cheering for him. Another crowd that knew what we had been through and what all this meant to us. He immediately left school, picked me up from work and we went to lunch at Grate Things. Our phones didn't stop and he called almost everyone in his phone book. *lol*
DAY 51 OCTOBER 3, 2003
Josh had his wisdom teeth removed!!! Our neighbor, Dr. Davis, is also the oral surgeon that did the surgery, so we got extra special "next door neighbor" care! Dr. Davis is a super great guy. We like him & Georgianne a lot!

DAY 62 OCTOBER 14, 2003
Mom and I met with Lisa, the Educational Nurse at Women's Medical Center, to get family background and reading material
DAY 66 OCTOBER 18, 2003
Went to Auburn to visit with Frank & Dena

**THAT’S THE END OF THE FIRST TRIMESTER!!**
The first trimester was relatively busy. You can’t truly accept a pregnancy until you’re out of the first trimester. Even then, there’s always the possibility that something could go wrong. I felt pretty positive the entire time-something told me this was just going to happen. There was no question about it. I don’t know if my dream in the summer had something to do with it or not. I didn’t doubt anything, I just accepted what it was.
Health wise, the first trimester was smoooooth. I had no morning sickness and gained only 2 pounds. There were no complaints-except for the extreme amount of exhaustion. I could barely keep my eyes open and I slept as MUCH as possible.

***THE SECOND TRIMESTER***

Always the boring one. Not much happened during these three months. On December 15, we did find out we were having a boy and a girl. Even though we were very excited, it didn’t really come as a surprise (reference back to the dream before I got pregnant). To me, it only confirmed that everything was going as planned.
At the end of the second trimester, I had gained a total of only 12 pounds. Not bad for twins, eh? At each doctor’s appointment, the ultrasounds showed perfectly healthy babies that were growing on schedule. Ethan was always stretched out from head to toe, which made it difficult for Emily to even move. She pretty much stayed in a ball the entire time!!
Since we thought I would be put on bedrest early, the girls at work decided to go ahead and have my baby shower. It was on January 24, 2004 and it was absolutely WONDERFUL!! We have everything we could need (we could always use more diapers!!).

DAY 123 DECEMBER 15, 2003 (17 WEEKS)
**Found out we’re having a boy and a girl!!**

DAY 167 JANUARY 28, 2004 (23 WEEKS)
Came home for lunch, as normal, and found that I had a blood pressure reading of 210/104. We rechecked it several times and eventually called the doctor. I had to go in immediately. That day, I was put on bedrest (at 23 weeks) and also put on Aldomet (methyldopa). Worked like a charm! I had to start a low-sodium diet so I gave mom TONS of food out of our cabinets and started all over again! DAY 174 FEBRUARY 4, 2004 (24 WEEKS)
Ultrasound showed the babies weight at 1.6lbs (Emily) and 1.9lbs (Ethan). Perfect weight for their age. Both were moving like crazy and the U/S tech had the hardest time keeping up with them! I also did my glucose test on this day and somewhat failed. My sugar was 135 so somewhat borderline. He didn’t make me suffer through the 3 hour test, but told me to stay away from sugar. HORROR!! NO MORE CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM! He might as well just have taken away Wal-mart, it was the same feeling.

***THE THIRD TRIMESTER***

Ahhhhh…I'm remembering the first trimester all too well now. The second trimester brought a renewed sense of “I can still do anything”. The third trimester reminds you “No-No sister, you better calm that butt down.” On February 22, 2004 I started week 27, which is the first week of the third trimester. Exhaustion sets in again. Around weeks 25 & 26, I was sleeping 16 hours a day. I don’t need to get used to that. But lately, more people have been calling and coming by so I make sure I’m up and dressed by a decent time. Adel (my neighbor) and my mom have decided to double-team me to make sure I’m eating right and taking it easy. Adel has always been a fabulous cook and I would stay pregnant forever if it meant daily meals from her!!! *Heeheehee* Mom comes by several times a week to bring me a stack of newspapers. It’s actually pretty exciting-I look forward to those days. I just sit back, enjoy my cup of chai and read.
As far as fetal movement goes-WOW! Emily has been moving but she’s…..gentle. Ethan? Forget it. He’s all about getting the most room and making SURE I know he’s in there. Remote controls, phone, newspaper….doesn’t matter. He’s going to kick the stew out of it. Poor Punkin-no telling what he feels when he lays on my stomach. Of course, the purring probably soothes the babies.
It’s getting so much harder to move around, especially during sleep. If something falls on the floor, it’s pretty much going to stay there until 1. Josh gets home or 2. I manage to pick it up with my toes! TOTALLY unlike me! Walk….err….WADDLING has set in finally, as well as a constant pain/uncomfortableness in my upper abdomen.

DAY 200 MARCH 1, 2004 (28 WEEKS)
Appointment with Dr. Beverly. Gained 1 pound in 1 month for a total of 13 pounds. C-section scheduled for May 11, 2004 but Dr. Beverly assured us we would never make it that far! Scheduled an ultrasound for next visit. Lifted bed rest a tad but not much.
DAY 205 MARCH 6, 2004
Today, I packed my bags for the hospital. Twins are so unpredictable that we have no idea when they are coming. We thought it would be best to get as prepared as possible! (Actually, it was just a way for me to get back to Walmart, for the THIRD time this week!) heeheehee
DAY 210 MARCH 11, 2004
Whitney’s 18th birthday was this week. We all went to Mikata’s Japanese restaurant for dinner. Nean’s(mom) birthday is this Sunday (3/14) and PawPaw’s birthday is next Friday (3/19)! WOW! Grandma Ruby says it looks like my belly has dropped. We’ll see what the doctor says next Wednesday! What I DO know is that it’s getting more and more difficult to walk/breathe/move. I actually got stuck in the recliner the other day and Josh had to come pull me out. I also found out today we’re having two more baby showers! One is next Tuesday (3/23) from SAMC-Cardiology. The other is the first weekend in April and it’s given by Grandma Ruby’s work.
DAY 216 MARCH 17, 2004 (30 WEEKS)
Today’s doctor’s appointment was rather uneventful-which isn’t a bad thing. Emily’s weight is 3.9lbs and Ethan’s is 3.12lbs. I’ve gained another 3 pounds for a total of 16! Next appointment is March 29.
DAY 222 MARCH 23, 2004 (31 WEEKS)
Today was the baby shower for SAMC-CARDIOLOGY Department! It was so beautiful!! There was cake, fruit pizza, nuts, chip/dip, punch and chocolate strawberries! TONS of diapers too!!! I was so excited! We got lots of great gifts and some really cool stuffed animals! We didn’t need any clothes for Ethan but Emily got some precious dresses!! Looking forward to my last shower, coming up on April 4. (This is the day I REALLY wanted to go into labor since it will be 04-04-04!) Goofy, I know! Oh, I’m going to highlight this because I’ll never believe it and I KNOW no one else will: I OFFICIALLY DREAD GOING TO WALMART. Not because I hate it, but lugging these two babes around in my belly is getting to be a little much!! Not to mention the fact that the LAST place I ever want to go into labor is Wal-mart. *lol* Leg cramps have really set in, as well as several Braxton Hicks contractions. Josh and I go to bed every night hoping that night will be the night. He is SO ready for these babies to get here I think he’s getting a little restless!
DAY 227 MARCH 28, 2004 (32 WEEKS)
Today was the Azalea Dogwood Festival. It was such a beautiful day, Josh and I decided to ride the trail and go to the park. Since we live so close, we walked up. We sat and listened to music and watched a karate demo. It was so nice. The walking obviously threw my body for a loop because I started having some light contractions. They felt like Braxton Hicks, but they were every 5-7 minutes. After about 5 hours, Josh decided I needed to go to the hospital. Since I was only 32 weeks, they gave me an IV and drugs to stop the contractions. That was the best sleep I’ve had in a while!

DAY 242 APRIL 13, 2004 (34 WEEKS)
Ultrasound. I am measuring 45 weeks!!! I have gained 3 pounds since my last visit, for a total of 24 pounds.

At my last appointment, two weeks ago, Ethan weighed in at 3.12 pounds. He's now 5.7 pounds. Emily weighed in two weeks ago at 3.9 pounds. She's now 5.2 pounds.
Though they obviously can't breathe yet, the ultrasound showed the lungs making the breathing movements. They look for this at this time to make sure they aren't under duress. If the babies aren't attempting to make these movements now, there tends to be a problem. But our babies are just fine!
Both babies are still head down with Ethan presenting first. On the ultrasound today, Ethan had his hand laying on Emily's head, almost like he was hugging her.

Dr. Beverly was still in absolute shock. He laughs every time he comes in and sees it me sitting there, knowing I made it another 2 weeks. He tells me every time how much I amaze him, especially when he measures me. *lol* 45 weeks? Like he says "You got a lotta baby in there"......almost 11 pounds of baby actually! He still doesn't think I'll make it to 36 weeks, but my next appointment is at 36 weeks (April 29). In the meantime, he thinks I'll go into labor. But if not, he's just going to let me go and see how far I can get. If I haven't gone into labor by May 11th, he's going to induce me on the 11th.

DAY 255 APRIL 27, 2004 (36 WEEKS)

Yesterday, I was having a severe pain on my left side. I was told by the hospital that it was just round ligament pain. I thought it hurt way too much to be that though. Josh and I were kind of hoping that "this was it". We went to dinner at Red Lobster and then decided to go to Walmart and just walk. And walk. And walk. For a solid hour and a half, he made me walk. *lol* Halfway through our walk, I lost my mucus plug. Was it working?!?!?! We kept walking. Eventually though, we decided to go ahead and go home and do the "wait and see" thing. At 2:55am, I woke up and was about to roll over when BAM!.....my water broke. I knew exactly what it was, without a doubt. I woke up Josh and it was craziness from there on! See, it wasn't typical water breaking.  The bed was covered in blood. We started calling a few people on the way to the hospital. Once I arrived and was checked out, Dr. Praful Patel informed me that I had still not dilated past 2. Instead of just my water breaking, my placenta had started to separate from the uterus. If I had tried to deliver, it's possible I would have hemorraged SO the doc opted for a c-section. There were two problems with my pregnancy because of my brain surgery.  They didn't want to do it natural because the intense pressure I would have to put myself through and I had a very sensitive noggin.  The second was the concern with the shunt and if it were accidentally cut during a c-section.  Basically, I got the babies in there, now how were we gonna get them out?!?!?
At 5am, we were told they were going to go ahead with a C-section. At 6:00am, they were rolling me into the OR to get me set up for my spinal block! Josh and my best friend Dena (apparently she FLEW the two hours it takes to get from Auburn!!!) came in while they were getting me prepped. At 6:46am, Ethan was born, followed by Emily at 6:47am. I heard them both cry but then the room got really quiet. I asked Josh what was wrong and he only told me "Nothing." I KNEW something was wrong though. Come to find out, Ethan had stopped breathing. They rushed him to Baptist Medical Center in Montgomery, Alabama (2 hours away).

He was transported by ANGEL ONE-an awesome ambulance you definitely need to read about. I didn't get to hold him or touch him.  They brought him to my room in an incubator and he had an IV in his forehead. I stuck my finger through the hole and could only get the blanket.  Delivering two babies and only bringing home one broke my heart.  I thought about him in Montgomery in the NICU without any of his family and having everyone's love but his moms.  I wanted to be the first he bonded with. Thankfully, Josh's parents went to Montgomery to be with him and later in the week when I was better, Josh went up too.  After staying in Montgomery for over a week, Ethan was finally able to join Emily at home! He's doing wonderfully and growing so much each day!!

1st Birthday Celebration

Mommy & Daddy Got Into A Cake Fight

Notice.....Ethans arm, Emilys head, like in the ultrasound.

May 6, 2004 Post Op Check Up
I went in today to see Dr. Patel for my Post Op Appointment. I had gained a total of 24 pounds in the pregnancy. A little over 1 week after delivery and I had already lost 26 pounds. WOOHOO! The incision is looking good and everything is just dandy!

SIX MONTHS LATER:
Emily was apparently born to follow in her mother's medical footsteps.  Aside from being born with a birth defect (heart murmur) like me (too-muh) , she also had a broken left leg like me!  When the E's were 6 months old is when it happened.  Emily was in the doorway playing in her Johnny Jump Up.  Ethan was in his walker running around the dining room.  He headed toward Emily at full speed and the bottom of the walker ran into her leg.  She whimpered a little here and there but she was so young, we couldn't tell if something was actually wrong.  Josh took her to the ER and this is how she came back.

We had fun with them the first few Halloweens:

NOTE:
 In the summer 2007 issue of Conceive magazine, we were featured in an article.  I tried to scan it but it just didn't turn out well. If I can ever get it to look decent. Ill post.  Essentially it says the same thing Ive already written.

Needle Practice

March 2003

I was 28 and Josh was 20.  He was in nursing school and working at the medical center.  We decided we wanted to try to have a baby.  For most people, that would be relatively easy.  Not us.  Of course, not us.
After meeting with my doctor here and trying several unsuccessful rounds of Clomid, it was determined that we would need to see a specialist.  Josh and I went to Atlanta to visit Dr. Toledo at Reproductive Biology Associates.  We had the option of invitro or intrauterine insemination.  We definitely didn't have the money for invitro so we opted for the latter.  We got approved with insurance, got a plan from Dr. Toledo so we were ready.
Our first attempt was made in the Spring of 2003.  We wanted to try to do as much as possible here in Dothan since we both worked and he had school.  May 1, 2003 we started the process.  Josh had to give me a shot in my belly every day.  The next day I would have my blood drawn, ultrasound and then a shot later in the day.  Again, he was in nursing school so he was lovin' using me as practice.  For 16 days I got a Follistim shot in the belly, and then it was time.  On Saturday and Sunday (May 17 & 18) we met Dr. Long first thing in the morning at the office for the insemination.  They do it two days in a row for a higher chance.  The dreaded 2WW (as infertility peeps know it- two week wait) was upon us.  May 30, 2003 we received a negative pregnancy test.
I told Josh I didn't want to spend money we didn't have to get pregnant.  I wanted to take a break for a little while.  So during the summer, that's what we did.  Until one night, I had a dream about two names.  Ethan & Emily Edwards.  I woke up Josh and asked him about those names and sleepily, he said "Yeah sure I like those".  We weren't doing anything to get pregnant at the time so the incident just faded away.
August came and we decided to try again.  The dream had faded but didn't disappear.  Those names were embedded.  This time, we decided to have the insemination done in Atlanta with the people that specialize in the process.  I kept a very detailed log of everything that happened during that time.  The next blog will be what I called..... The Road To Pregnancy.  Its a repost of the log I created.

Gonna Party Like It's 1999

Fall of 1999:
Josh and I had been secretly dating for a few months.  His parents found out what was going on and......well, lets just say it didn't go over well at all.  I understood it.  He was 17 and I was 25.  He had plans to go to med school and they were worried I would ruin all of it.  The problem was, we were in too deep by that point.  Like I said before, whatever it was that clicked between us locked up and refused to be unbroken. We made sure we worked the same days since we both still worked at Red Lobster.  Every time a new schedule would come out, we would trade off with other people to make sure we were there at the same time.  He would come to my house before work to pick me up, we would ride to work together and then he would drop me off at night.  All the time we knew his parents didn't approve but we just couldn't leave each other alone.
One night while we were leaving work, I noticed a car sitting way off to the side in an empty parking lot.  I told Josh not to look but to get to the truck in a hurry.  We did and took off.  We flew around the mall, cut off at the Shops on the Circle and headed to my house.  Made it.  He went straight home and before he walked in, he put his hand on the hood of his parents car.  Hot.  It was them.  We knew it was.  He was forbidden to see me but the rebel I had created didn't listen.
We continued to sneak around as much as possible until it just became unbearable.  His relationship with his parents wasn't going well (mine was fine because they loved Josh!).  I don't know when or where it was decided but we decided the only way to be together was to get married.  School was ending soon for him and he was turning 18.
For about 3 weeks prior to his birthday, he would bring a couple of things at a time over from his house.  Just a few things at a time so it wouldn't be so noticeable. The day came.  June 2, 2000.  Josh turned 18 and we had a plan.
Josh was on the yearbook committee at school so that morning he told his parents he was going to school to work on it.  He didn't.  He picked me up and we met 4 of our friends at the courthouse.  We Was Gettin' Hitched!  We signed in and paid the fees then waited in the hallway for our turn.  We all watched the hall like hawks, waiting for his parents to turn the corner and stop the marriage.  Instead, the clerk came out and said they had a problem.  She said even though it was Josh's birthday, he was born at night so technically he wasn't 18 yet.  !!!!  Panic set in.  My heart fell to the floor.  BUT, then she said she was just kidding.  *LOL*
Josh was a nervous wreck.  He had some crazy rash all over his eyes that got worse the longer we were there.  All nerves.  Anyway, we went through with the ceremony and then went to IHOP with our friends! Ha! Ha! Ha!  His rash went away after we were married.

Josh's parents told him previously that if he was determined to see me, he would have to turn over his truck.  SO, after we all ate we had a friend of ours take his truck to his mom's work with a letter inside explaining what happened.  Josh knew she was going to be at work that day so after it was dropped off, we came home and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Nothing.
About 9pm, Josh decided to call his family since we hadn't heard anything from them.  His sister answered and they were all there.  Josh's mom was never at work.  She took off that day because they were going to surprise Josh for his birthday.  Cake and all.  Josh had a copy of the letter so he just told them to check their email.  LORDY, all hell broke loose from there!!!!
Cousins called. Uncles. It was crazy for a while but eventually it settled down.  What's done was done, no going back. 
A week or so went by and I received a call from his mother.  Josh was about to graduate high school and they had family coming in from out of town for a party.  She didn't like what was going on but she wanted to invite me anyway.  I went and I survived.
Things were pretty rocky for a while but eventually everything calmed down and we started our married life together.  We were in the duplex I was renting from Chip Bailey in a rather unsafe part of town.
Josh started college and I continued to work.  He was already working at the medical center so he kept pretty busy.  I worked 8-5, he worked 3-11 and had school.  We didn't see much of each other.  Like most newlyweds, we had growing pains.  We fought, a lot.  I was bad about wanting to run away from it and he was good about keeping the promise of our vows.  We traveled around here and there when we could.  We went to New Orleans for his 21st birthday. I gave him skydiving for his 20th birthday.  We went to San Antonio, visited family in Ohio and went to a few Nascar races (we were at the Daytona race when Dale Earnhardt died).

In San Antonio

He's saying "I Love You Baby!!"

My grandmother's health started to decline so my parents bought the house next to hers.  Since my parent's house was vacant, we decided to move there.  It was the house I grew up in.  Definitely not the best memories.  Things were still a little rocky but we were making progress together.
After being married about 2 years, we decided we wanted to have children.  I should have known, based on my past, that it wasn't going to be easy.....

Inflation

It's now Fall of 1996.

I left Alabama at an easy 125 pounds.  I sure didn't come back home that way.  Personal inflation.

I moved in with Chad's family in Louisiana.  I didn't have any hair, my mouth was drawn up, my eye was still covered because the stroke screwed it up and I was in the darkest place I had ever been in my life.  I stayed in my bedroom literally all the time.  I drank 6-8 Sprites a day.  I had $75 worth of Halloween candy at the computer so I stayed online, ate and drank 15+ hours a day.  In January of 1997, I had eye surgery in New Orleans to try to correct what happened either from the stroke or the OD.  I was awake for that surgery.  (Jimmy Fallon "Ew!" insert). Originally, the doctors wanted to sew my eye shut when I was in the hospital because it didn't close all the way.  NAWP- NADA!  I just dealt with it and had the eye muscle surgery for correction.  Even to this day, that is a lazy eye.  I can't take a picture without looking like a moron because of that eye.  It's just another thing I dwell on every day that I can't stand about myself.
Anyway, eventually I got a job at Outback but I had zero self confidence because of the way I looked so I quit serving.  I then applied for a job at the auto auction.  The lady that interviewed me turned into not only a boss, but a mom away from home.  Pam Lopez.  She trained me, loved me and was there for me through so much.  When Chad and I broke up later and I got my own apartment, she helped me get everything I needed to survive. 
So, now my hair was growing out some and I was starting to feel better about myself.  Chad and I were going out, playing pool and having a really good time together.  I have no doubt Chad loved me.  He treated me like a princess and I never wanted for anything, except to be normal again. He and I developed some problems and ultimately we split up for the final time.  7 years with him.  It was almost like a divorce.  Our lives had been so intertwined since 11th grade and then nothing.  The person I really thought I would spend the rest of my life with was gone.

I had a decision to make.  I could run back home to my parents or I could try to make it on my own.  I stayed.  My job at the auto auction was going really well so I got an apartment on Lake Pontchartrain.  I LOVED my apartment.  It was the first thing that was mine and mine alone, but I was lonely.  Every Friday I got off work, I would literally sit at my computer until Sunday night.  I chatted, built websites and just completely goofed off.  I didn't invest in friendships like I should have. Not REAL friendships, outside of the computer.  I worked with some sweet, sweet girls at the auto auction and we had so much fun at work together.  Mandy.  January. Angie.  I'm sorry that I was so self absorbed that I didn't take the time to really build friendships with you.  I'm lucky enough to still have a great friendship with Mandy and I sure do miss those times back in Louisiana with those girls!

I stayed in Louisiana until 1999.  It was then that my mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.  I didn't have a clue what that was but I did know I wanted to be at home.  I quit my job, packed up all my stuff and moved back to Dothan.  60 pounds heavier.  Inflation.

My SINGLE brother.....taking a break from packing all of my stuff to head back to Bama.

 

(He is SOOOO gonna kill me for posting that pic!!!)

I rented a duplex from Chip Bailey, got a job at Red Lobster and started over, again.  Wait, wait wait....HOLD UP.  We gotta back up a few months.
During the time I was sitting on the computer doing nothing, I would look for random people from high school or previous employers.  I came across this guy on ICQ (anyone remember that??) that worked at Red Lobster.  The same one I worked at for years!  He was only 16.  I was 23.  But I was two states away and he was just someone fun to talk to.
Ok, now back to Dothan.  I started back at Red Lobster because I can say with full confidence that I am one hell of a server.  I knew the manager, she knew my situation, so I had a jobby job.  I sashayed my hiney into work one day, walked up to this scrawny kid with braces that worked in the kitchen and said SOMETHING but I don't have a clue what. *lol*  It was the same guy I talked to when I lived in Louisiana.  Joshua Loyd Edwards had now entered into my story.
Josh was 17.  He was probably 120 pounds soaking wet and stood 5'10.  Oh Im SURE I have a pic around here somewhere......

Josh and I became closer friends.  I knew he was too young for me so we just hung out together at work, cracking jokes and playing Rummy online at night.  The more time we spent together, the more I learned that this 17 year old was wise beyond his years.  He had goals.  He had a plan.  He was determined.  We spent more and more time together and whatever it was that we felt for each other completely overwhelmed both of us.  It was, I don't even know how to describe it. His parents found out about me and did not like it at ALL!  It started to get ugly.  I didn't have a good track record with making the best decisions so what did I do?  You bet, I wanted what I wanted and was determined to get it.

Our song became the Cops theme song........
 

Pain in the Brain

Quick recap: I'm a dufus that has made a lot of really dumb decisions that I can now blame on my (insert Arnold Swarzenegger voice here)....TOO-MUH!  Ok ok seriously.  I'm stuck in bed.  My husband left me.  I'd been on steroids for 3 weeks so I was eating everything in sight, my room was a balmy 40 degrees  because I was always burning up and I was covered in acne.    The local news station came out and did a story on my situation. I was a blubbering goofball on T.V.  I was the epitome of a Hot Southern Mess.  Be prepared, Im adding more pictures than usual on this post because a LOT happened.

September 17, 1996. Under the knife I was about to go though!  Doc told me prior to surgery that he couldn't make any promises because of where the tumor ( I can only say too-muh for some reason) was.  He said I may not make it, I could be blind, I could be deaf....he just didn't know what he would have to dissect to get there.  Off I went behind the curtain, leaving my mom, dad, father, granny, brother, sister and friends in the waiting room as the doctor prepared for a 9 hour surgery.  I was told to think of a happy place and I immediately thought of me laying on the beaches of Hawaii just a few years prior.  That was it......I was asleep.  Later I was told that I was one of the calmest he had ever seen for what I was about to go through.

Victoria giving our signature sign to each other

This was taken right after the first surgery

The pain was excruciating.  I've had migraines since I was 12 years old and this was 5 times worse.  As a helpful measure, the nice nurses hooked me up to a pain pump with a timer.  Dilaudid. Oh wait, they FORGOT to hook up the timer!!!  So instead of it only letting me get a dose when my allotted time was up, I got a dose EVERY TIME I CLICKED THE BUTTON.  That landed me in ICU after my mother found me gasping for air and my fingers turning blue.  Then that caused my mom to breakdown because she was helping me click the button since I couldn't reach it at times so she felt like she nearly killed me.  GAH- can't brain surgery be easier???  :)

My brother kept me walking, I kept him laughing.

Uh......well I tried!

My diet consisted of pureed food. BLEH.

Visitors from home.  Russell, Billy & Neely.

My Neel.  Still love her today.

I made it out of ICU and began to recover in a room.  Quicker than I wanted to I assure you.  My brother came to my bed and said "You're gonna get your ass up and walk because that's what is going to make you better.  So, get up."  (He said it lovingly)  Up I went and I walked and I walked.  Up and down the halls, doing ballet on the rails (not like I knew a thing about ballet) and singing the Rocky theme song as I punched my way down the hall.  I was a hoot. I had oral swabs stuck to my wall because after I swabbed my mouth, I would lob them to see if I could get them to stick.  A couple of the doctors would come to my room to hang out, eat my Pringles and watch TV with me when they got off work.  Might as well make it fun, right?  Only, I wasn't healing like I should.  Fluid kept building up behind my right ear where they sliced me open.  One. Two. Three total spinal taps.  It was then decided that I would need another brain surgery to alleviate the fluid build up. 

September 30, 1996: Surgery was started to put a shunt in place. A 7 hour surgery. They finally shaved my entire head (I still have the bags of hair).  Healing progressed more quickly then.  My notebook says "Ate grits, threw up.  Ate popsicle, threw up.  Danced with Julie, threw up. Walked, threw up."  So on and so forth for 4 days.  I wanted to eat SO badly.  I would lay there and think about the different foods I wanted to eat.  My brother kept a running list for me: big, fat, greasy sausage with thick syrup and canned biscuits, water, peanuts, Pepsi, baked beans & rice with salmon patties, turkey, Subway, Mom's chocolate fudge, sweet tea, Rolen's sheet cake, apple juice, Victoria's mom's potato salad, dressing, chocolate chip cookies, Grilled Glazed Red Lobster Salmon, Ensure Chocolate, fruitcake cookies and Chex snack mix".  I wasn't playin'.  I wanted FOOD.   Finally, a light scope was put down my nose to see if there was anything causing the irritation.  Whatever it was got fixed because then my notebook says "Ate English peas, carrots, baby food, hamburger, Pringles and 1 french fry." 

October 7, 1996: A tropical storm was forming off the coast of Florida but I had just been released from the hospital.  I wasn't staying.  Three weeks was long enough.  I was ready to go home.  Oh yeah, remember I told you my grandmother died while I was in Hawaii.  Well, my grandfather (her husband) died while I was in the hospital.  I found this out a while after I was released because no one wanted to upset me.

My Wonder Brother

When I got home, I walked into a house full of balloons and banners.  My brother did that.  He pushed me to work hard while I was in the hospital and he was there for the reward when I came home.  Guess who else had something to say about my return?  Chad.  Chad called almost every day to check on me when he found out David left me.  My parents adored him so once I was well enough to travel, we headed down to New Orleans to surprise him!  I stayed the weekend and then ended up coming back a couple of more times and eventually I just didn't come back.....

My life was changed forever.....

19 years old.  I was still living at home and going to community college as opposed to a university because I didn't want to leave my boyfriend.    I had good job at a high-end gift shop and had just started playing pool on the side.  Yes, pool.  Billiards.  Pockets.  Neely & I could talk trash better than anyone and most of the time, we could back it up! 

 We were both HUGE into Nascar as well.  The pic above was taken on a trip she and I took to Talladega.  We got into the driver's meeting, stood next to Terry Labonte and got some great pics of Dale Earnhardt, Kyle Petty, Rusty Wallace, Mark Martin!  I even got to DRIVE this Kodak car around the parking lot at Sams Club.  Mmmmmm, the rumble and the thunder of those engines was just awesome!!!

NOW........Try to go back in your mind to when you were 19 years old.

 (Its a looooong way for some!)

Imagine how you would feel if, upon waking up one morning, everything to your right was doubled.  Left was good but to the right there was two of everything.  Yeah, exactly.  I did what any stupid teenager would do.  I ignored it and headed down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras with Chad.  DRIVING on the interstate, alone, with double vision.  (Not one of my finer moments)  When I got back into town, my vision was double not only to the right but had moved to the center and left.  It was time to tell my mom and see a doc.  I went to see an eye doctor who told me there was "possibly" a tumor there and I needed to go see someone else.  I ended up having an MRI done.  Here's a fun part.....

Ya know back in the day when people had house phones?  Well, the neurosurgeon over my MRI called one afternoon.  My mom and I picked up the phone at the same time.  I listened to see if it was for me and I heard that it was the doctor's office.  I stayed on the line.  All I remember after that is hearing "Im sorry but your daughter has a lesion on her brain.  We need to see her."  I don't know how I didn't pass out but I do remember thinking that I was going to die and I was scared to death. The visit to the neurosurgeon post MRI didn't help any.  He couldn't tell me many specifics and wasn't sure if it was operable or not.  I was turned over to another doctor with a follow up MRI.   This test showed that what I had was a blood-vessel type tumor but it was IN my brain stem.  It had ruptured and the blood from the tumor surrounded my optic nerve, causing the double vision.  To be sure, I was handed off to another doctor, at Shands in Gainesville.  That doc told me I had the "10 foot pole" syndrome, meaning my condition was so delicate that no one would touch me with a 10 foot pole.  Yay me.  I was told however that those tumors are usually inactive and once ruptured, it probably wouldn't cause any more problems.  My vision corrected itself within 2-3 months and I was back to the party world. 

By this time, Chad and I had broken up and I was hanging out with a friend from school that was home on leave from the Marines.  We hit it off fairly well and I ended up going to Hawaii to spend 3 weeks with him during Thanksgiving.  My grandmother died while I was away.....

When I came back, it was partying from the time I got off work, through the wee hours of the morning (sometimes not sleeping) until I had to be at work the next day.  I kept a bottle of Absolut in my car.  One night at Pockets, I was a little TOO tipsy and I could barely function.  I saw this girl that I knew from other friends, went up to her and asked her to take care of me.  My friendship with Victoria was born.  More parties ensued and we ended up getting an apartment together just so we could come and go as we pleased!  (I won't even go into the golfers, Slicky.)  More parties.  More alcohol.  It was just more, more, more all the time!  This does NOT need to show a bad impression of Victoria.  I was perfectly capable of making my own bad decisions.  :)

And then I met David. David Danny Miller.  My parents didn't care for him and neither did Victoria.  I shouldnt have either but what did I do? I went and married the boy.  Married!  At 22.   He was in the Coast Guard so we moved to Mobile where he was stationed.  I won't say that we didn't love each other and didn't have good times.  We did but we were toxic to each other.  The relationship escalated to physical confrontations yet I stayed.  (And I always wondered why my mother never left!!!)   

SO, I'm 22, living in Mobile and working at Red Lobster.  I woke up one morning to get ready for work and when I stepped out of bed, I fell down.  My whole left side was paralyzed.  My head was KILLING me.  Where was David?  Well lets just say he wasn't available to take me to a payphone, since we didn't have a phone in our apartment.  I drove myself, with full double vision again, left side semi-paralyzed and a blinding headache.  I called my mom who called my neuro and was told to get back home immediately and go straight to the ER.  It wasn't easy, but I got there.  My tumor had ruptured, again.  This time the plan wasn't to leave it alone, it was to find someone brave enough to remove it.  Problem?  Pre-existing condition.    So my mom did what any mom would do in that situation.  She researched and searched and begged for SOMEONE to help me so I could have my surgery.  Three weeks I was on total bedrest and my husband had just left me because "I should marry my mother since I was letting her do everything for me."  Yeah, ok.  Anyway, since I worked at the gift shop, a lady that also worked there worked for our congressman.  He was able to get me emergency medicaid/medicare (whatever it is) to pay for the surgery as long as someone would pay for the hospital.  RED LOBSTER stepped up and paid for the hospital so I was set.....ready to go get my noggin fixed.

But of course, nothing is that easy, right???

 

Helloooooo High School!

9th grade.  Freshman.  13 years old.  My life as a teenager was about to get a lot more fun.  I had my old friends and a lot of new friends.  A new teen club opened called "Confetti's" and I was there.  Every Friday.  Every Saturday.  Bangin' my head to every heavy metal song that was played.  I could smoke there, right out in the open and no one said a word.  I could even buy cigarettes (Hobo on Westgate!!!) without a problem.  I had older friends so alcohol was never a problem.  I was having a blast with all of my friends.  9th grade rocked!

I had my mind set.  There was one boy that I had known for 4 years but he was shy.  He didn't talk to many people but he was well liked.  He was an amazing drummer in a band, Apathy.  I tried and tried and was determined not to give up.  It worked.  Christopher Lee Wier was mine!  We dated for over 2 years.  He was my first serious boyfriend and I loved him with that crazy schoolgirl love that probably drove him crazy.  One of my best friends, Neely, was dating his brother Jamie so the 4 of us had a blast together!  Dating someone in a band required an understanding that the band always came first.  It was an agreement they all made with each other.   The better they became, the more popular they became which led to more travel.  Neely and I would go out of town with the band (and their parents) as often as we could but it just didn't work anymore.  We ended as friends and have remained friends still.  I adore his mother and still spend time with her when I can!  She prayed for me, with me and listened to me about everything that was going on at home. I will NEVER forget what she did for me. Love you Momma Wier!!!

In 11th grade, this new kid from New Orleans showed up in my English class.  Every time he walked up to the teacher, he would glance over at me and smile.  I started hanging out with him and in turn, made a lot more friends.  Chad Maurice Wiebelt. Lucky again.  One of Chad's best friend's was Dena's boyfriend, Jim! 11th & 12th grades were filled with trips to the beach, bauxite mines, hot tub parties, house parties and hanging out at Southside Mickey D's.  Chad and I hadn't been dating long.  We were at Jim's house late one night and got a phone call about 2am.  Chad, Chuck and I flew back to town to find out his brother, Ryan had been killed in a car wreck.  My stomach still turns when I think of that night.  The screaming.  The crying.  There were 5 kids living in that house.  They were all very close and to see all of them hurting like that just killed me.  Not long after that, my aunt & uncle were murdered.  Going through two horrific events like that really brought us closer.

A couple of years after graduation, Chad proposed.  I really thought this was going to be it.  We were still young though and again it didn't work out.  We were over.  It didn't end well.  End of that story. Well, until later.

In the meantime, my mom met an AMAZING man that we both adored.  I had met his daughter so my mom wanted to take me to meet his son one day. The name rang a bell but I couldn't place it.  Not until I saw his face.  Toby McGriff.  If you ever went to Wiregrass Commons Mall in the late 80s/early 90s (as a teenager) then chances are you knew.  You knew that once your parents dropped you off, you headed out to the woods with your group of friends to smoke pot and drink, sorry, DRANK some Mad Dog 20/20 and Boone's Farm.  Toby was occasionally in the woods. ANYWAY, our parents got married and that was the best thing she ever did.  He has filled a void in my life and I'll love him as my Dad for the rest of my life.

Now that I'm a mom, I couldn't imagine either one of my children doing half the things I did.  Hunch punch parties ending with the police calling my parents to pick me up AND THEN singing the Brady Bunch song in the backseat because I was still drunk.  To this day, every time I hear Paradise City by Guns & Roses I remember sniffing rush and Scotch Guard.  I was horrible.  I'm even embarrassed to say so much of the stuff I did, but I have to own it.  In turn, I have to strive every day to provide a solid foundation for my children.  I know they'll mess up and Im all for them learning from their mistakes.  I want them to know they'll face consequences but they''ll never lose my love.  I did what I did.  I'm not gonna lie, we had a LOT of fun.  But what did I miss out on in return?

High school was over, college started and my life was about to change forever.  

Act Your Age!

Have you ever taken the time to delve into the depths of your brain and find your very first memory?  I always wonder, at what point did a first memory etch itself into my child's brain.  Asking them now won't do any good.  I want to hear how they remember their childhood when they're older.  What did I say or do that left an impression over other things?

My first memory?  I was 3.  I was sitting on some funky green carpet in our living room.  I have no clue what I was doing but I remember my mom saying "Act your age!!!!" and I remember being confused.  How did a 3 year old act? Was I doing it wrong? Apparently so.  And then it fades.....

The memories that follow are a huge mixture of every emotion possible.  I remember riding in our vomit green conversion van (with Snoopy in a spaceship flying over the moon...YES it was the 70s) with our neighbors singing Crystal Gayle & Carpenters songs.  "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue"  "Im Sittin On Top Of The World"   I distinctly remember the unfortunate incident of me and a permanent marker drawing on the back of the chairs in the van.  (Probably why later my mother invested in a shirt for me that said "I Didn't Do It").

Yeah, y'all thought I was kidding didn't ya!?

School.  1st grade.  I met a group of girls that remained my best friends for years. Teresa, Amanda and Katie. We were always with each other and I loved them dearly.  Their families were still intact and....happy, and I was jealous.  I wanted to be anywhere but at home.  My sister left at 17.  My brother left at 19.  That left me. My friends witnessed things at my house that no one ever should.  I couldn't have spend the night company.  Well I could, but any fun we had was overshadowed by screaming and the sound of my father beating my mom.  Embarrassing.  I don't think I ever told any of those girls what their friendship meant to me as I was going through that.  I hope they know.
Any good memories of a possibly happy family were forgotten from that point on.  I have pictures of all of our travels together but when I look at them, I remember what it was really like.  Not what the camera caught.

  In 3rd grade, I met my Dena.  Dena Rae Hoover.  She was new to the school and we became instant friends.  Somehow, I meshed my friendship with her and my friendship with my girls.  It worked drama free.  Dena and I have continued our friendship for 32 years.  Births.  Deaths.  Marriages and divorces.  Seems like we have been through it all together and I know I'll have her til my last day on this Earth.

Middle school brought out a whole new me.  I met Davy-Randy-Heather  and Laura (more girls I am still friends with to this day!!)  Things were at their worst at home and I was getting older.  Old enough to get in trouble. In 7th grade, I was walking through the mall with Teresa, Katie and Amanda.  My mom had just told me they were getting a divorce and I was telling my girls (even remember it was right in front of what used to be Kirklands).  I don't know what I would have done without the solid friends I had.  Something snapped in me.  12 years old.  I started drinking, smoking and smoking pot.  Thinking about my children being 10 right now and doing what I did at that age absolutely terrifies me. 

Then came high school........

The Introduction

How many times do you change the very first sentence you write to someone?  Do you go with the first instinct or do you sit and think about the perfect thing to say to grab attention?  I've been sitting here thinking....."Ok, do people REALLY care what Im going to write? Do I care if they care? Who am I writing to and what am I writing about? Does it matter if I offend or should I speak my mind?".  You know, those kinds of things.  So with that being said, I shall start......

Who I am.  I am the mother of boy/girl twins and they are 10 years old.  I live in Alabama and I love the South.  I am a wife of 14 years to a man 8 years younger than I am.  (Yes, you would be correct in assuming there's a heck of a story there.)  I am a stay-at-home mom who has recently taken on the task of homeschooling.  I believe in God but I also continue to question more than I should. That doesn't mean I don't believe, it means I need to work on having more Faith.  Im 100 pounds overweight and that thought absolutely consumes me.  I love medium-rare steaks, salads, almost anything chocolate, gummies, vacationing with my family, a freshly cut yard and laying my head on my husband's chest at the end of the day.  He can tell you that it is hands down, my most favorite place in the whole wide world.  He's heard it for 15 years.

 And.......I just turned 40. 

Turning 40 wasn't so bad.  I've loved my birthday for as long as I can remember.  When I worked, I never worked on my birthday. As a teenager, my mom would always take me to "The Garland House" and have Chicken Salad with Fruit and Peanut Paradise Pie.  Good memories.  Good food too.  The Garland House closed several years ago, much to the disappointment of a LOT of people.

So, that should touch a little bit on the basics. Randomness to follow.....