SATURDAY:
As I was looking through some pictures taken today, I discovered my self in one. I've already mentioned that I absolutely hate to have my picture taken, for any reason. To see myself in the background of one makes me wish I could photoshop myself out of someone else's picture. It is just absolute disgust in myself.
Any time cameras are out, I disappear. I hide behind anything I can find. There are rare times when I can't hide fast enough. Today was one of those days. Of course, it doesn't take a picture to feel disgusted with myself. I eat, sleep and breathe disgust for myself. Let me go ahead and say that I am NOT looking for a pity party. I don't want your comments telling me that it's what's on the inside that counts and I'm a beautiful person. No offense. That's all well and good but you don't know how untrue that really is. I am a lazy, unmotivated, very large shell of a person that used to be so full of life, it was overwhelming. We have our own battles we must fight. This.....is mine and I'm losing more each day.
I look around me and constantly see obesity. You would think that it would make me feel better, like I wasn't in this alone. It doesn't. I am in this alone. No one else can take care of this problem for me. No one can make me do anything. I have to make my mind up myself to work harder, eat better and get out of this pit I am in.
I have an addiction to food. My portion sizes are out of control. It's a ridiculous cycle that I just can't break free from. I hide away to eat something because I want it so badly and then feel like absolute crap afterwards. I. Love. Food. I love it to an unhealthy extent. If something tastes good, I want to eat all of it. If there is some left on the kids plate, I want it too. What I don't understand is WHEN this happened to me and WHY? I can't pinpoint a single thing that made me like this. My brother, mother and sister are all thin. Essentially, I was too until 1999. I can't blame it on the depression of brain surgery although that was the time period. I was still thin when I got out of the hospital and started packing it on right after. I'm not trying to use it as a crutch. I am fully aware of my weight. I also am fully aware of the threat of diabetes and heart issues because of it. Does that change anything? Nope. Doesn't seem to. WHY?!?!?!
My sweet husband has done absolutely everything he knows to do to help me out. He's paid for programs, pills, surgery (a BOTCHED tummy tuck), gym memberships, personal trainers and apps. There's nothing else he could possibly do. He has just paid for an entire year to a gym that I haven't been to in over a month. I'm stuck and can't get out of the contract unless someone buys it from me and I transfer it to their name. Like THAT'S gonna happen. The people at the gym are really sweet and helpful but it is a Crossfit oriented gym and I have zero interest in Crossfit. I should have done more research before committing.
I wrote the above part a couple of days before this. Tonight, I was supposed to be at our school's PTO meeting. I'm on the board so it is at least a little important that I go. Josh has been painting our bedroom all day and has just finished. As I was kissing him bye to go to the PTO meeting, my leg brushed up against something. I was too big to maneuver well. I ended up hitting the roller full of paint which went all over my leg and my pants. "Why didnt you just change?" you say? Well, my closet doesn't allow for mistakes like this. I had nothing else to wear, that fit. That went over real well with my self-confidence. So, like an idiot, I sit here crying about how big of a disappoint I am to myself about this weight thing. I would love to scream at the top of my lungs but I would scare too many people. So, I sit here silently screaming inside. Something had GOT to give or I'm going to die too young from this weight.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Sunday, August 24, 2014
The Importance of a Father Being A Daddy
If you are the father (or stepfather) of a little girl, then LISTEN UP! I didn't plan on being so transparent in this post but it happened anyway.
When I was growing up, I was Daddy's Little Girl. At the time, I didn't know what that meant. All I knew was that I loved my dad and he loved me. He was supposed to though, right? There were a few times I got the belt to my butt and it was SCARY. His general speaking voice is very deep and very loud so you can imagine what yelling was like. I knew my parents fought a lot but before it got really bad, there were some good days in between. My parents each had a motorcycle and we traveled around with the group every week. I think I was about 9 when my dad taught me how to drive one. He would use his legs to keep us propped up but I did the steering and changing gears. He had absolute total confidence in me. It felt amazing.
When he left, I lost more than a father. I lost strength in myself. I thought I lost the promise of a happy family. My brother was gone. My sister was gone. Now my father was gone. People kept leaving me. It was me and my mom. I knew what he did to her was wrong but sometimes I still blamed her. Maybe it wasn't blame, it was just anger with how our family was built. While others had families built of steel, our seemed to be like a straw shack sitting in the middle of a tornado. Honestly, I was 12 years old. I had so much going through my heart and head it's a wonder I turned out the way I did. Of course, that may not be a good thing either. I wonder.
For a long time it was just me and mom. She taught me to be independent. She taught me not to rely on a man for things I could do on my own. My view of love and relationships was certainly jaded. I still catch myself trying to rationalize why I feel the way I feel, in all things. I look back at high school and wonder what in the world people thought of me. I didn't fit in with the cool kids. I didn't fit in with the smart kids. Then, and now, I still battle with the feeling of not fitting in. Clothes, accessories, hair, weight.....I don't have all the right things and even the things I do get right I still question. Yes, I am fully aware it shouldn't be about "things". There used to be a time years ago that I could look in the mirror and smile back. Now, I only look in the mirror because I have to see to put make up on. Walking thru stores, seeing surveillance camera monitors, getting my hair cut, working out at the gym.....Im surrounded by mirrors and it literally makes me nauseous. You can forget about selfies from me. I never, ever, ever take pictures. Ever. (Not trying to sound like Taylor Swift, just expressing a view!!)
It took me roughly 20 years for me to come to terms with the person my father is. I will always love him and I genuinely do forgive him. It hurt so much to question why my father didn't want me, why all the lies, why the distance. It was molding me into a bitter person. There comes a point, as a person and a mother, that you have to decide what is best for you and your child. If you met him, you would probably say he is very kind and loves his family. I'm sure there's a part of him that does. Like most people, there's an underbelly and that's what you don't want to cross.
In saying all of that, I say this......your kids remember more than you know. Your tone, and your words, can make the simplest of words feel like a stake through the heart to a little girl that adores you. Every time she walks out after getting ready and you don't say a word, it's remembered. Every time you tell her she can't do something because she's a girl, it's remembered. A newly painted picture, a silly dance, a horribly sung song.....these are things that shouldn't be blown off! Your reactions to these things build a foundation for her. Every negative comment is placed in the internal file cabinet of her heart. They.....we.....remember the acknowledgements and the blow offs. You may not understand or even like something they like, but get over yourself and let them know how proud you are of them, their accomplishments, their creativity. I am NOT saying to treat your child like she's a Queen, give her everything she wants and make the world all about her. Just love her. Genuinely love her. That's all she needs. She will feel like she can conquer the world without you having to do it for her because YOU gave her the confidence to do it herself. There's no love like a mother's love but to a little girl, nothing in the world compares to the love she gets from her Daddy. Honestly, all of this applies to boys too. We're supposed to build them into strong, sensitive men that will one day be husbands and fathers. Show them now how to do it right. Don't repeat a cycle. Don't make them feel like they're a nuisance. Being a parent doesn't mean you always get the last glass of milk, last cookie, first serving of something or whatever, just because you're the adult. Being a parent doesn't mean that your children's thoughts don't matter because they're children. THAT just shows immaturity to me. ENCOURAGE them to think and do for themselves but don't expect them to know exactly how to do something. HELP them. Ugh, the more I type the madder I get so I need to stop before I get too grumpy.
My mom married a man that chose to be my dad. He loves me unconditionally and makes sure I know it. He gives his heart and soul to his family without question. My children have so many memories and continue to add more because of the person he chooses to be. It is a choice. He chooses to love us like his own. Your choice matters. So what you might have failed at it for years. SO WHAT! If you're still here, make it right. Swallow your pride and make it right. If you don't know where to start.... read this. Even if you're already doing it, read this. If you don't take the time to show her, who will? I don't know about you but that's not something I'm willing to gamble on.
 |
| My father |
When I was growing up, I was Daddy's Little Girl. At the time, I didn't know what that meant. All I knew was that I loved my dad and he loved me. He was supposed to though, right? There were a few times I got the belt to my butt and it was SCARY. His general speaking voice is very deep and very loud so you can imagine what yelling was like. I knew my parents fought a lot but before it got really bad, there were some good days in between. My parents each had a motorcycle and we traveled around with the group every week. I think I was about 9 when my dad taught me how to drive one. He would use his legs to keep us propped up but I did the steering and changing gears. He had absolute total confidence in me. It felt amazing.
When he left, I lost more than a father. I lost strength in myself. I thought I lost the promise of a happy family. My brother was gone. My sister was gone. Now my father was gone. People kept leaving me. It was me and my mom. I knew what he did to her was wrong but sometimes I still blamed her. Maybe it wasn't blame, it was just anger with how our family was built. While others had families built of steel, our seemed to be like a straw shack sitting in the middle of a tornado. Honestly, I was 12 years old. I had so much going through my heart and head it's a wonder I turned out the way I did. Of course, that may not be a good thing either. I wonder.
For a long time it was just me and mom. She taught me to be independent. She taught me not to rely on a man for things I could do on my own. My view of love and relationships was certainly jaded. I still catch myself trying to rationalize why I feel the way I feel, in all things. I look back at high school and wonder what in the world people thought of me. I didn't fit in with the cool kids. I didn't fit in with the smart kids. Then, and now, I still battle with the feeling of not fitting in. Clothes, accessories, hair, weight.....I don't have all the right things and even the things I do get right I still question. Yes, I am fully aware it shouldn't be about "things". There used to be a time years ago that I could look in the mirror and smile back. Now, I only look in the mirror because I have to see to put make up on. Walking thru stores, seeing surveillance camera monitors, getting my hair cut, working out at the gym.....Im surrounded by mirrors and it literally makes me nauseous. You can forget about selfies from me. I never, ever, ever take pictures. Ever. (Not trying to sound like Taylor Swift, just expressing a view!!)
It took me roughly 20 years for me to come to terms with the person my father is. I will always love him and I genuinely do forgive him. It hurt so much to question why my father didn't want me, why all the lies, why the distance. It was molding me into a bitter person. There comes a point, as a person and a mother, that you have to decide what is best for you and your child. If you met him, you would probably say he is very kind and loves his family. I'm sure there's a part of him that does. Like most people, there's an underbelly and that's what you don't want to cross.
In saying all of that, I say this......your kids remember more than you know. Your tone, and your words, can make the simplest of words feel like a stake through the heart to a little girl that adores you. Every time she walks out after getting ready and you don't say a word, it's remembered. Every time you tell her she can't do something because she's a girl, it's remembered. A newly painted picture, a silly dance, a horribly sung song.....these are things that shouldn't be blown off! Your reactions to these things build a foundation for her. Every negative comment is placed in the internal file cabinet of her heart. They.....we.....remember the acknowledgements and the blow offs. You may not understand or even like something they like, but get over yourself and let them know how proud you are of them, their accomplishments, their creativity. I am NOT saying to treat your child like she's a Queen, give her everything she wants and make the world all about her. Just love her. Genuinely love her. That's all she needs. She will feel like she can conquer the world without you having to do it for her because YOU gave her the confidence to do it herself. There's no love like a mother's love but to a little girl, nothing in the world compares to the love she gets from her Daddy. Honestly, all of this applies to boys too. We're supposed to build them into strong, sensitive men that will one day be husbands and fathers. Show them now how to do it right. Don't repeat a cycle. Don't make them feel like they're a nuisance. Being a parent doesn't mean you always get the last glass of milk, last cookie, first serving of something or whatever, just because you're the adult. Being a parent doesn't mean that your children's thoughts don't matter because they're children. THAT just shows immaturity to me. ENCOURAGE them to think and do for themselves but don't expect them to know exactly how to do something. HELP them. Ugh, the more I type the madder I get so I need to stop before I get too grumpy.
My mom married a man that chose to be my dad. He loves me unconditionally and makes sure I know it. He gives his heart and soul to his family without question. My children have so many memories and continue to add more because of the person he chooses to be. It is a choice. He chooses to love us like his own. Your choice matters. So what you might have failed at it for years. SO WHAT! If you're still here, make it right. Swallow your pride and make it right. If you don't know where to start.... read this. Even if you're already doing it, read this. If you don't take the time to show her, who will? I don't know about you but that's not something I'm willing to gamble on.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Repost from 2008
Don't know where this rant came from but for some reason, I saved it from MySpace!!
Man, I wish I still had this confidence!
I'm guilty, I'll admit it. I've voiced my opinion about other people's lives to people and for the life of me, I can't tell you why. Why I judge.....why I try to fix, why..... Why Do I Care?
Some nights when I'm sitting here, going through my list of friends, people I work with, people I know and I'm praying for them....I hope for so many things. Many of which, in reality, will never happen. But, I can hope, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. Miracles have happened, miracles will happen.
In the end, it doesn't really matter anyway. I know who I am, who I love, what I stand for and where I'm going. I know who truly loves me, the people that don't judge me and the ones who fit into my comfy category. I have a best friend that has seen me at my best, my worst and everything in between and she's hung in there with me for nearly 30 years. I have a husband who also has seen my best, definitely seen my worst and again....has hung in there with me for almost 10 years, always willing to make us stronger. I have a few new friends that are inspirations and have helped me through this transition. Above everything, I have a place in heaven waiting for me when my time here is done and THAT I know for sure.
So, the answer? Tell myself to get over it. People will talk. Lost people will remain lost until they want to be found because you can't MAKE anyone do anything. Happy people should be praised, not looked down on. Nit-picking stupid crap is just that, stupid. Thicken up the skin, soften up the heart, become more forgiving but not to be run over. Do whats right, not what people want you to. I can do those things, no problem. Because my core is solid, I know it and I've resolved to not worry about d.r.a.m.a. and to do my absolute best to respect others even if they choose not to do the same to me.
Monday, August 18, 2014
If It Weren't For Bad Luck, She Wouldn't Have Any At All
I'm a 40 year old woman that has had roughly 15 surgeries/procedures/hospitalizations. My daughter is 10 and she's already had half that. I can understand why Chuck Norris is one of her heroes!!! A friend of ours that recently passed bought Emily a wall poster of Chuck Norris and she LOVED it. With her unusual language, it was always funny to hear her say "Walkuh Texas Ranguh".
I've already written about Emily's broken leg at 6 months, heart surgery at 3 years old and frenulectomy in Preschool. That's more than some people go through in a lifetime. Of course not MY little girl!
I first need to let you know a bit about our neighborhood. It's filled with boys. There are just a couple of girls Emmy gets to play with occasionally but for the most part, she's surrounded by stinky, sweaty, gross boys (that I absolutely love and adore by the way!). To say that she's tough is an understatement. She really didn't have a choice, she had to be.
I can't remember what grade it was, maybe Kindergarten. She tried to catch our neighbor John Thomas when he jumped off the ladder of the pool. She ended up with a scar under her eye and a puffed up cheek.
In 2nd grade, she was jumping on the trampoline with the boys and she fell out of the enclosure. Broken arm. I think she was more upset about the doctors cutting off her favorite shirt than anything else. (She still hasn't let that one die.)
Since Emily's surgery in 2007, we have traveled back to her pediatric cardiologist every year to have a check up. Our wonderful friends, Tommy & Linda Cherry, were kind enough to let us stay in their gorgeous home so we wouldn't have to stay in a hotel. (Thanks, you guys!!!)
For the last few years, we noticed the pressure gradient in her heart continue to rise. It was in the 30s then the 40s. We were told that if it reached the 50s, we would have to consider doing something, we just weren't sure what at the time. At her 2012 checkup, her doctor expressed a concern about the continuous rise so he suggested we try a heart catheterization. We scheduled it during Spring Break of 2013. Lordy, she was a TRIP! Versed, again.
Unfortunately, the heart cath didn't provide the results we anticipated. The very small percentage of possibility that the subaortic tissue would grow back wasn't in our favor. The tissue was back, along with the other obstruction which meant another open heart surgery. (My throat just tightened rethinking all of this.)
By this time, Josh had already began working in California. He was about to finish up his 3 month contract. Finally, our marriage was strong! It's like we finally gave in to each other and were able to love each other the way we should! Dare I say.....we were happy!!!
Earlier in the year, we booked our flights to see him in California so we kept that booked and scheduled her surgery for his return in July. This was the first time the kids had been on an airplane and they were SO excited! It was an AMAZING time out west. We spent time in San Jose, San Francisco and Gilroy. We celebrated Josh's birthday with a day at the theme park, California's Great America. We hiked through Muir Woods which is full of redwoods. I wasn't especially excited about visiting Alcatraz.....until I got there. I absolutely love mobster stories so seeing Al Capone's cell along with many others was awesome! Pictures could never ever capture the magnificence of the trip.
While we were on our trip, I got a call that Emily had been chosen for the All-Star softball team! Luckily the season was scheduled to be over before her surgery date so she was able to come home and jump right into that!
It came time for surgery. At 3, Emily wasn't really aware of the significance of having open heart surgery. Age 9 is a different story. She only expressed a small amount of nervousness, which helped me keep calm too!! We had a lot of hands to hold us up during surgery. Dena, Josh's parents, our friends Keith & Hope Sewell not to mention the hundreds of people lifting us up in prayer. Our friend Maggie let Ethan stay with her family the week we were gone. There are some things that are impossible to repay.
We arrived at the hospital at 530am. Full House was on so she zoned out watching that for a while. By 8:45am she was prepping for the OR. Surgery started at 9:49am. At 11:14am she was put on the by-pass machine. At 12:39pm she was off by-pass and doing well. At 1:04pm we were called to a conference room to meet with the surgeon. He finally came in at 1:35pm. That seemed like the longest wait of my life. He was pleased with the surgery. The tissue had definitely grown back so it was removed. Her aortic valve is deformed and she'll have to have a replacement but that's nothing they want to deal with until she's older.
At 6:30pm, she was settled into ICU. The ICU rooms at Children's allow for the parents to stay in the room (bed, chair, Xbox etc). She started vomiting and we couldn't get it to stop. 8:00pm and she was still vomiting. She was able to stay well long enough to FaceTime with the boys back home (Joshua, Tyson & Harrison) as well as Mrs. Amanda, Trigger & Chipper. Just a few hours after surgery and she's acting like normal.
11:00am the next day (Wednesday) she was moved to a room. She got the biggest and most painful chest tube out. They didn't give her pain meds before taking it out so that one hurt pretty bad. They took out her art line and catheter. She talked to some more special people: Cole, Aunt Whitey, Ethan and our neighbor Emily.
On Thursday morning she got 2 more chest tubes out. Josh and I also gave her a bath, washed her hair and brushed her teeth. She went on a long walk afterwards!! Thursday afternoon they removed her final chest tube. The surgeon spoke to us again about the surgery. The subaortic ridge removal accomplished what they wanted it to however there's still minimal leakage and moderate blockage. Definitely something we have to keep our eye on.
By late afternoon on Thursday, she was BORED! She and Josh walked around all day. I found them on the 9th floor playroom playing the Wii. She was discharged Friday afternoon and has been going full blast ever since.
Some came in to visit with her as soon as she came out of surgery. Several had to leave. At this point, all of her pain meds from surgery were gone and she was dealing with full on pain. It hurt, a lot. She had an IV in her neck, her arms, a catheter, 4 chest tubes and the incision where they cracked her chest. Look at Josh and Poppy in this picture. If it were you or me, we'd be screaming for some pain meds. They're SMILING at her which they wouldn't be doing if she was screaming about how bad it hurt. My girl is TOUGH! I saw her cry twice the whole time, that was it! The day after surgery, she was up walking around to the playroom and also downstairs to a duct tape craft class. She loved to read to the younger kids on her hall.
With the Bravery Bead program, patients earn a bead for every visit, procedure, surgery, test....whatever they have done they earn a bead. This is Emily's collection of beads encompassing just 6 years.
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At her checkup a couple of weeks after surgery, we were told her pressure gradient was at 35 (it was 30 at the time of surgery). The ultimate goal is to be at ZERO. We still have to watch it but he's happy to lay low for a little while.
That brings us up to speed on Emily's broken heart situation. For now, we will continue to visit her doctor in Birmingham and pray this tissue doesn't grow back AGAIN. Our next visit is scheduled for September 2014. Of course, we would love to have a miracle healing so she doesn't have to go through any more surgeries. We know it's possible but we also know we're ready to fight.
By the way, I've come to the point I was worried I would come to. I've told the story from beginning to end. I can go back and elaborate on some stories. Readership is down a bit so I must have hit my peak. *lol* I'll post one blog per week and one recipe per week.
I've already written about Emily's broken leg at 6 months, heart surgery at 3 years old and frenulectomy in Preschool. That's more than some people go through in a lifetime. Of course not MY little girl!
I first need to let you know a bit about our neighborhood. It's filled with boys. There are just a couple of girls Emmy gets to play with occasionally but for the most part, she's surrounded by stinky, sweaty, gross boys (that I absolutely love and adore by the way!). To say that she's tough is an understatement. She really didn't have a choice, she had to be.
 |
| John Thomas, Emily, Tyson, Harrison, Joshua, Ethan |
 |
| Tyson, Harrison, Joshua, Ethan & Emily (she can't really go topless like the boys!!!) |
I can't remember what grade it was, maybe Kindergarten. She tried to catch our neighbor John Thomas when he jumped off the ladder of the pool. She ended up with a scar under her eye and a puffed up cheek.
In 2nd grade, she was jumping on the trampoline with the boys and she fell out of the enclosure. Broken arm. I think she was more upset about the doctors cutting off her favorite shirt than anything else. (She still hasn't let that one die.)
 | |
| Flowers from her special friend, Tyson |
Then there was the time Ethan accidentally hit her in the head with a bat.....
Since Emily's surgery in 2007, we have traveled back to her pediatric cardiologist every year to have a check up. Our wonderful friends, Tommy & Linda Cherry, were kind enough to let us stay in their gorgeous home so we wouldn't have to stay in a hotel. (Thanks, you guys!!!)
For the last few years, we noticed the pressure gradient in her heart continue to rise. It was in the 30s then the 40s. We were told that if it reached the 50s, we would have to consider doing something, we just weren't sure what at the time. At her 2012 checkup, her doctor expressed a concern about the continuous rise so he suggested we try a heart catheterization. We scheduled it during Spring Break of 2013. Lordy, she was a TRIP! Versed, again.
Unfortunately, the heart cath didn't provide the results we anticipated. The very small percentage of possibility that the subaortic tissue would grow back wasn't in our favor. The tissue was back, along with the other obstruction which meant another open heart surgery. (My throat just tightened rethinking all of this.)
By this time, Josh had already began working in California. He was about to finish up his 3 month contract. Finally, our marriage was strong! It's like we finally gave in to each other and were able to love each other the way we should! Dare I say.....we were happy!!!
Earlier in the year, we booked our flights to see him in California so we kept that booked and scheduled her surgery for his return in July. This was the first time the kids had been on an airplane and they were SO excited! It was an AMAZING time out west. We spent time in San Jose, San Francisco and Gilroy. We celebrated Josh's birthday with a day at the theme park, California's Great America. We hiked through Muir Woods which is full of redwoods. I wasn't especially excited about visiting Alcatraz.....until I got there. I absolutely love mobster stories so seeing Al Capone's cell along with many others was awesome! Pictures could never ever capture the magnificence of the trip.
While we were on our trip, I got a call that Emily had been chosen for the All-Star softball team! Luckily the season was scheduled to be over before her surgery date so she was able to come home and jump right into that!
It came time for surgery. At 3, Emily wasn't really aware of the significance of having open heart surgery. Age 9 is a different story. She only expressed a small amount of nervousness, which helped me keep calm too!! We had a lot of hands to hold us up during surgery. Dena, Josh's parents, our friends Keith & Hope Sewell not to mention the hundreds of people lifting us up in prayer. Our friend Maggie let Ethan stay with her family the week we were gone. There are some things that are impossible to repay.
 | ||
| Brave girl heading into surgery |
We arrived at the hospital at 530am. Full House was on so she zoned out watching that for a while. By 8:45am she was prepping for the OR. Surgery started at 9:49am. At 11:14am she was put on the by-pass machine. At 12:39pm she was off by-pass and doing well. At 1:04pm we were called to a conference room to meet with the surgeon. He finally came in at 1:35pm. That seemed like the longest wait of my life. He was pleased with the surgery. The tissue had definitely grown back so it was removed. Her aortic valve is deformed and she'll have to have a replacement but that's nothing they want to deal with until she's older.
At 6:30pm, she was settled into ICU. The ICU rooms at Children's allow for the parents to stay in the room (bed, chair, Xbox etc). She started vomiting and we couldn't get it to stop. 8:00pm and she was still vomiting. She was able to stay well long enough to FaceTime with the boys back home (Joshua, Tyson & Harrison) as well as Mrs. Amanda, Trigger & Chipper. Just a few hours after surgery and she's acting like normal.
11:00am the next day (Wednesday) she was moved to a room. She got the biggest and most painful chest tube out. They didn't give her pain meds before taking it out so that one hurt pretty bad. They took out her art line and catheter. She talked to some more special people: Cole, Aunt Whitey, Ethan and our neighbor Emily.
On Thursday morning she got 2 more chest tubes out. Josh and I also gave her a bath, washed her hair and brushed her teeth. She went on a long walk afterwards!! Thursday afternoon they removed her final chest tube. The surgeon spoke to us again about the surgery. The subaortic ridge removal accomplished what they wanted it to however there's still minimal leakage and moderate blockage. Definitely something we have to keep our eye on.
By late afternoon on Thursday, she was BORED! She and Josh walked around all day. I found them on the 9th floor playroom playing the Wii. She was discharged Friday afternoon and has been going full blast ever since.
 |
| Immediately after surgery |
Riding the tricycle......TWO DAYS after surgery.
On the day she left the hospital, many members of the Alabama football team were volunteering to make bracelets and necklaces for the rollout of the new Bravery Bead program. Emily and #77 Arie Kouandjio made a bracelet together that I still wear every day.
At her checkup a couple of weeks after surgery, we were told her pressure gradient was at 35 (it was 30 at the time of surgery). The ultimate goal is to be at ZERO. We still have to watch it but he's happy to lay low for a little while.
That brings us up to speed on Emily's broken heart situation. For now, we will continue to visit her doctor in Birmingham and pray this tissue doesn't grow back AGAIN. Our next visit is scheduled for September 2014. Of course, we would love to have a miracle healing so she doesn't have to go through any more surgeries. We know it's possible but we also know we're ready to fight.
By the way, I've come to the point I was worried I would come to. I've told the story from beginning to end. I can go back and elaborate on some stories. Readership is down a bit so I must have hit my peak. *lol* I'll post one blog per week and one recipe per week.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
A Little TLC Goes A Long Way
I mentioned earlier that The E's attended daycare at Trinity Learning Center. They started when they were 3 and left when they were 5 to start "big school". TLC has a wonderful Christian based curriculum. They're not a babysitting service. They make sure your child is Kindergarten ready. Mrs. Betty & Brandy run an extremely tight ship so you can bet your child has the best care available! (Plus it has video cameras so you can watch your child during the day!! (Shameless plug: If you need childcare, contact them!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE BEST CHILDCARE EVER
The kids even learned sign language! By the way, I wasn't cheating. I had a list of words they knew and was trying to read that while recording them. Of course, Ethan had to let me know when I missed one on the list!
I have known, since birth, that Ethan was......particular? Is that the right word? He had a very low tolerance for loud noises. He liked things "just-so". I even spoke to our Pediatrician about the possibility of him having some sort of OCD. When they started TLC, I told the teachers about it. He had a certain chair he liked. It had HIS name on it. There was a certain block he liked to play with. Without knowing Ethan, I can understand you thinking that he was just a spoiled brat. I promise you, you would have to know him.
As "school" progressed, Ethan did too. His teachers would talk to me in the afternoons about how well he was doing. Not that Emily wasn't, she was doing great! Ethan was just....different. He was moved to a more advanced table to see how he would do. He did great! He was learning beyond what they were giving him in class. His teacher purchased a textbook for him to work on and he aced that too. I can't remember if it was a K or a 1st grade book. I went in one afternoon and his teacher said she had to show me something. Ethan picked up a book, opened it up and was reading! He was barely 4 years old at this point. Since Amanda is a teacher, she picked up on Ethan being a little different right away. She decided to do a little experiment with him. She gave him her version of the Kindergarten exit exam. This was prior to Kindergarten. He aced it.
When Ethan was 5, the owners of TLC asked him to come to their Christmas play and read a poem about the Significance of the Candy Cane.
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| First Day of Kindergarten |
NOW, back to Kindergarten. During open house, I spoke to the teacher about Ethan's past. I didn't want to come across as "that mom" that thinks their kid is smarter than everyone else's yada, yada, yada. I just wanted her to know so she could let ME know her take on it. It didn't take long.
A few weeks into the school year, I went to the school for a meeting with his teacher. They wanted to try to do some "subject-acceleration" at first to see how he did.
For Reading and Math, Ethan would walk down the hall to a 1st grade classroom. He was doing great there too! In February of his Kindergarten year, his teacher gave him 3 tests. Two were Early Skills Assessments broken into Math then Reading & Language, Grade K.
The next test was a 1st grade benchmark test, given 6 months into his Kindergarten year.
I wasn't "that mom"! My boy was smart! I don't know where in the world it came from but there it was, we just needed to figure out what to do with it!!! Josh and I had a meeting with the Librarian, Principal, Counselor, 2nd Grade Teacher, 1st Grade Teacher, Kindergarten Teacher and a gifted learning lady from Central Office. We opted for Ethan to take a test for Whole-Grade Acceleration. The RIAS test was given. There was a criteria list that he had to meet in order to move up a grade. He met it. Most of the test results were Greek to Josh and I. We were told his I.Q. was 118, but not to put a lot of focus on the number. We needed to look at what made up that number. His test results showed his math and reading skills to be that of a child between the ages of 8-9, or equivalent to 3rd-4th grade. He was in the 99.5 percentile for math and reading. We had a decision to make.
(Below, they are 5 years old here. SO funny...)
I didn't realize the heavy feeling that was associated with this decision. Mom's of multiples would understand where I'm going. When they're born, they're forever linked together. This would create a separation immediately. They wouldn't graduate together. They wouldn't go to prom together (not TOGETHER together, but at the same time). They wouldn't go off to college together. How would Emily feel about her brother leaving her? I took all of this into consideration and we made the decision. Ultimately, it wouldn't be responsible parenting if we held Ethan back from using his full potential.
Before the end of the year, the school had a talent show. Ethan and Emily performed with Tonantzin and Charlie. Tonantzin's mom, Yeya is absolutely wonderful with the kids!! They won 2nd or 3rd place...I don't remember!
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| Charlie Lee, Ethan, Emily, Tonantzin Galloway |
Emily started 1st grade and Ethan started 2nd. Emily did have some bad feelings in the beginning. I understood that. The last thing I wanted was for her not to feel good enough just because Ethan was advancing. It's hard to convince a child of a difference when they're supposed to be treated equal. She didn't have to share friends anymore though. It was Emily Edwards! Not Ethan & Emily all the time. That helped. :)
Ethan continued on through 2nd, 3rd, 4th. Straight A's every year. It came time for his 5th grade year of school. The final one before middle school. (Still, I can't believe he's going into 6th grade!!!) Ethan has always been somewhat reserved, especially being the youngest kid in the grade every year. He's told me every single year that he doesn't have any guy friends at school. He has almost always hung out with his best friend, Kayla. That's not a BAD thing, we absolutely adore Kayla! He just didn't connect with the guys. He doesn't do sports or Star Wars or Legos.....
He's always been worried people don't like him. He came home one day and told me the 5th grade class had to vote on one person to be the National Peanut Festival Jr. Fire Marshall and that person would get to ride the firetruck in the parade!!!! There weren't any nominations. It was just a vote count. Ethan won. You should have seen his smile.
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| At the fire station, about to ride in the parade! |
The Academic Bowl was coming up. This was a TOUGH competition with questions many of the parents looked completely blank on, including me! But.....Ethan nailed it!
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| 2014 Academic Bowl |
I was visiting the school one day for something and his teacher asked if Ethan had "told me the news". I hadn't heard anything new so I went to look for him. When I asked him what she was talking about, he said "I got Valedictorian, Mom!!!!!!". His friend Carrie Elaine received Salutatorian! It was always a close race between those two. She's definitely one to keep your eye on for great things!
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| Right after receiving Student of the Year, he's smiling at me. |
Ethan had his speech ready. He presented it close to the end of the ceremony. He did such an amazing job.
I wonder what God has in store for Ethan. I can only hope that he will continue to stay on the right path, stand on the foundation we've given him as parents and never forget what a gift he is to us, as well as so many others!
NONE of this in any way should portray the picture of us overlooking Emily and focusing on Ethan. Emily has already been through the ringer with more that anyone ever should. She is brave. She is tough. I would say that she's the only one like her, but considering there's another Emily Claire Edwards her same age and same grade at school, I have to hold back from that. She is, however, MY Emily Edwards and although just 10 years old, I look up to her bravery and strength. She is truly amazing. As is Ethan. Josh and I are beyond blessed to have been chosen to be their parents.
So, what's been going on with Emmy throughout all of this? If it weren't for bad luck......
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
The UNHappiest Place On Earth
Yes, I am officially going on record by saying that we did NOT like DisneyWorld. Loathing to the point of hate actually. It could quite possibly be our own fault though......
The kids were coming up on their 5th birthday. We thought that would be a good age for them to go. Instead of going in their birthday month of April, we went in February to avoid school crowds and the heat. We opted for the 4 night package but there was a special going on, Buy 4 Get 3 Free. What a mistake.....
Josh and I were still trying to fix our marriage so there were some very raw emotions still out there. NOT the best time to take a vacation. For 8 days. With two 5 year old children. Needless to say there were a LOT of tears shed.
I made reservations for some really great meals and we enjoyed those so much!! We didn't care for the in between meals where you're herded around like cattle for a dinky overpriced chicken strip meal. We didn't have to ride the bigger rides because they were still so little so that wasn't too much of a problem. What drove Josh crazy was the character signatures. At 5 years old, when the kids saw a princess, they wanted to go meet her. If they saw her again, they wanted another autograph. Those characters were the equivalent of me running into Julia Roberts (by the way, my most favorite actress in the history of ever). We stood in line after line to get those autographs and it drove Josh crazy. There were several other things that led to the demise of our vacation. At one point, Josh had one kid and I had the other and we were in completely separate areas of the park.
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| Yeah, this was a baaaaaad idea, as you can tell from Ethan's face. Good thing you can't see Josh's face. Not Emmy though!! |
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The street performers kept jokingly saying "Shhhh don't wake the baby!" and Emmy did not like it at all. She grabbed his hand and told them to stop making fun of her brother!!!
I remember pulling into the driveway when we got home. I met Amanda in the middle and just hugged her like crazy. Lost it. Boo-hoo'ed.
We had a LOT of work to do on our family. What we were doing wasn't working. I really hated that our trip went so bad. I'm hoping that one day, before the kids get too old, that we will be able to go again and have a much better outcome!! Josh and I just recently talked about trying to go back since we're in a better place and the kids are older. We are either going next Fall or wait for our niece Lillian to get a little older so we can all go as a family.
Later on that year, Emily had surgery #2. Frenulectomy. Know what that is? Google it :) Our dear sweet Dr. Davis took care of Emily. Her surgery didn't last 10 minutes. Recovery wasn't too bad either!
Since we had such an awful vacation in Disney, we desperately wanted to make it up so we planned our 4th cruise. This time we left out of Miami and cruised to Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Key West.
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| Talent Show with Funship Freddie |
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| Ethan, Ivan and Emmy |
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| Aunt Whitey, Grammy, Daddy, Poppy, Emmy & Ethan |
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| I can not believe I didn't buy this shirt..... |
Fall 2009. 5 years old. That means.....TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!
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